Life goes on
by brittany.barbour1
Summary: How does 15 Division deal with the aftermath of Kevin Ford? This is my take on season 5 picking up after Ford's shooting spree- May contain spoilers from seasons 1-4
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first attempt ever at a fan fiction story. Please bear with me and leave reviews- Any advice or critiques are greatly appreciated!**

Chapter 1:

Andy looked stunning in a cream cocktail dress. It was short and sexy, yet elegant like she belonged in 'high society' instead of being at the Penny with her peers. Everyone was there, all dressed to kill. Tracy had the biggest smile any had seen on her since Jerry had died a little more than 2 years ago. Gail was carefree and no longer afraid of her little black dress. Dov, Chris and Nick even wore matching ties, which by this point were loosed as the drinking had commenced. 15 Division was celebrating!

Oliver was waiting at the bar not for his usual beer, but grabbing glasses of champaign. Oliver walked over to Celery, Tracy, Andy and the rest of 15 division who seemed to be lost in happiness as they ate cake in the corner. As he passed around the champaign glasses he grabbed Celery around the waist and exclaimed, "I'd like to make a toast!"

As everyone settled and brought there attention to Oliver, he winked at Celery and then looked to the crowd and began. "To the bride. Sweetheart, you are a game changer. Once I met you it didn't take long to know you had changed everything. You took a broken man afraid to love and opened his heart. It wasn't always easy, there were tears along the way that's true- but there has never been a love worth fighting for like this. I love you darlin' and I'm glad I got to share this day with you."

Celery holds Oliver a little tighter and glances at Sam's goofy grin as her eyes water with joy, and he continues "McNally, you make a beautiful bride, salude!"

As everyone takes a drink, Sam pipes in, "that's Swarek to you" as he holds Andy around the hips from behind, kissing her neck softly as she sips her champaign.

"Ah yes, where are my manners..." Oliver continues, "And to the groom- Sammy, you are my best friend and I'm glad I got to see your dreams come true." "That They did buddy", Sam chimed in. "Hey, I'm in the middle of a speech here," Oliver shot back with a slight glare and a wink, "now what was I saying? Ah yes, to the bride and groom," and lifting his glass and looking around the room he yelled, "now let's drink!"

The room erupted with cheers as Oliver lunged in to kiss the bride and hug the groom. Now Sam, beaming with Joy spoke up, "sorry to interrupt the drinking, but I have something to say as well." Be fore he could say a word though Tracy yelled, "Kiss the bride, then you can talk." He shot a happy glance at Tracy as he smiled so brightly it lit his eyes, "Don't mind if I do." And with those words he grabbed Andy, one hand at the small of her back, the other behind her neck, pulled her in and kissed her as passionately as any of them had ever seen. As he pulled way and whispered in her ear, "I love you" she blushed and went back in for another kiss. This time he closed his eyes and felt the passion surge through his entire body. As the lingering kiss came to an end it physically hurt in the pit of his stomach, how could there ever be a reason to stop kissing her?

When he opened his eyes he was no longer at his reception, no longer draped over the most beautiful woman he had ever known, no longer grinning for ear to ear with a stupid school boy smile. He looked around to see white walls and machines. As he tried to move he noticed the IV in his arm, pulse clip on his finger, and worst of all the oxygen tube in his nose. The joy and happiness had left his eyes and we're replaced by terror. Where was he, what happened, why was is stomach searing with pain?

As he looked to his other hand to see why it felt so warm, he saw her- sleeping with her head on her arm while holding his hand. "Andy" he barely breathed out the name in a sigh of relief, but it surprised him how weak his voice sounded and how his mouth was so dry he could barely move his lips.

As soft as he had said it though, she heard it. She sat straight up, he could see the worry in her face, her swollen eyes and track marks down her cheeks making it blatantly evident she had been crying. Though this was a drastic difference between the happy bride he had just been captivated by, all he cared about was seeing her face. "Sam!" She exclaimed with a cracking voice, "your awake!" She smiled softly and squeezed his hand standing up to get him a drink of water. Her prayers had been answered, he was awake, he was alive, he was right there in front of her- her story was still just beginning.

A/N- I have already begun chapter 2, should O continue or is it better as a one shot?


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- thank you all for the encouraging reviews, I'm glad you like it so far. I'm going to try and cover the complete list of characters so please let me know if any character seems over or under represented in the story.**

**please review at the bottom**

Chapter 2:

Andy was now pacing in the hallway. She was calling Sergeant Best, excited to be reporting good news, 'come on come on, answer already' she thought to herself as the phone rang for the 4th time. "McNally?" He answered with a firm yet caring voice- he had asked for an update as soon as possible, but he was unable to hide the fact that he had been asleep

It was 8:51am, but he had only just fallen asleep, just for a moment, sitting at his desk, trying to be of some use. After being at the hospital the night before he had left defeated. Oliver was okay, a concussion, some stitches, and some bruises, nothing that Celery couldn't handle while she stayed with him. Sam had been much worse, they didn't know how he was doing, when he would wake up, IF he would wake up. But after he came out of surgery he was only allowed one visitor, no one was going to take that spot from Andy and she wasn't going to the leave the room for a second unless it was by force. And Chloe, is young rookie that was like his own daughter, she was married to a man he didn't know who wouldn't allow him to see her or give him an update. All he knew was what Epstein had shared while Sam was in surgery. She was in a medically induced coma until the swelling went down and the clot was gone, and who knew how long that would take.

Needless to say, at the hospital he felt useless. Once Sam was out of surgery he made Andy promise to update him at any change as she left his side just long enough for the doctors to move Sam from the operating room to his ICU suite. After speaking with Andy, Frank made an announcement to the rest of 15 division as they sat in the waiting room. "Sammy is out of surgery now, recovering in ICU. McNally will stay here tonight and send me updates as she gets them." At that, Nick's heart broke a little more, but as he cringed alone in the corner, Frank continued, "I know you all want to be here, and I hate to say it, but you all need to go home. Parade is at 9am and I need you we'll rested, we all had a hell of a day and we will be down 6 officers tomorrow. Epstein will update us on Chloe and Ollie can have visitors tomorrow."

He wanted to say more but he just shook his head, said "Goodnight people" and headed back to his office to sort this out- how did this happen?

"McNally?" He answered with authority, though the exhaustion in his voice was undeniable. He sat up at his desk, rubbing his temples while he blinked a few deep blinks to wake himself up, "What changed?" He asked with less authority and more desperation, this was the first update he had gotten, and he had been waiting for hours. "He's awake," her voice cracked, "the doctors are in with him now."

"Thank God!" He exclaimed, "Keep me posted, I'm sending Callahan now, he needs a statement."

"Luke" She squeaked, suddenly remembering that she had covered for Marlo's obsession. "Sir, I haven't slept, can I talk to him tomorrow" Her voice quivered as thoughts of Marlo entered her mind. Her thoughts were now screaming at her- "What am I doing? He has a girlfriend that's means enough to him to put his career on the line and I'm pouring my heart out like a fool." Her eyes flashed in terror as the realization sunk in.

Thankfully the voice in her head was stifled as Frank sternly answered, "no, I'm sending him now, I'll send coffee, maybe that'll help you focus." He looked down and adjusted his watch, "Oh, I gotta go McNally, Parade's in 5" he hung up without waiting for a goodbye. He quickly dialed another number, "Epstein, any news?"

-—-

Andy looked at her phone, still looking uneasy about needing to speak with Luke. As the nurse came into view she quickly shoved the phone in her pocket, it was against the rules to make calls inside and she wasn't leaving this building for a second. She walked toward the nurse intending to ask when she could go back in Sam's room when she suddenly recognized her.

"Monica" she squeaked out in a mousy tone.

"Andy," Monica sounded concerned "I just got on shift about an hour ago, I had no idea I'm so sor-"

But Andy had no time for sympathy and cut her off, "Do you know when I can go back in to see Sam?"

"Right, straight to the point" Monica stammered a bit as she continued,"We need to run a few tests, check his sutures, and..." Her voice trailing some as she realized Andy wasn't interested in details, just a time. "And... I don't know, could be 30 minutes, could be 2 hours- Officer Shaw is in room 317, If you head over there I'll come get you as soon as you can go in."

Looking somewhat lost in the idea of not knowing Sam's condition for a minute longer, much less 2 hours, she answered, "okay, yeah... I'll go there now." Her doe eyed Bambi look fading as she walked toward Oliver's room and slightly smiled, it would be good to see him.

Frank entered the parade room with a stack of papers in hand and his eyes firmly watching his feet. As he got to the podium he took a deep sigh before looking up to face his staff.

"I know your all worried so I'm just going to get straight to it. As you all know, last night Kevin Ford shot two members of 15 division and took another captive. Updates: Officer Shaw has a mild concussion and will most likely cleared for duty within the week. Celery said he can have visitors starting this afternoon, and as usual in Lou of flowers he prefers food." A few light chuckles escape, but the tone in the room stays serious as Frank continues.

"Officer Price" his voice quivers as he thinks of his God daughter, the Rookie he was meant to look after and keep safe, "was shot in the neck, it was a through in through mad luckily missed her arteries. She is still in an induced coma as we wait to see if blood clots or swelling are going to cause any permanent damage. Epstein will be updating me if there is any change."

"Detective Swarek is awake," the tension in the room has lightened emensly with the last fe words, things are looking up. Both Nash and Collins look at their phones, wondering why Andy hadn't called. Nash looks confused while Collins just looks hurt, as if someone just punched him in the gut. "He has only been awake a few minutes, he was shot in the lower abdomen and was in surgery until the wee hours of the morning. I'll update you as McNally updates me."

"Assignments:  
We are short staffed today, with 5 officers and a detective out we need to work as a team. 27 will be helping to cover our precinct for the next few days as back up. In addition, Officer Best will be back on full duty as of today."

Cheers of welcome and smiles are sent to the back of the room where Noelle leans against the wall with a hollow smile- happy to be back in uniform, devastated that it had to be under these circumstances.

"Peck" she looks up, "your with Williams." Frank stumbled over the name, he had never called his wife by her new last name before and it just seemed natural to go back to her maiden name, although it made him grimace. Gail looks back at Noelle and smiles, happy about her assignment.

Diaz, go with Nash- Callahan is wrapped up in the Ford case and she will need a hand today without Sammy," his voice cracked unexpectedly. "Collins!" The authority now back in his throat, "Desk." Nick looked down in disbelieve and cracked his knuckles. "Everyone else, it's listed on the board. Serve, protect, and WARE YOUR VESTS! Dismissed people."

As Frank stepped down from. The parade room stage, Collins jumped up to meet him, putting his hand up Frank stopped him, "Collins, don't start, you are limited duty until your cleared- once Callahan gets Swarek's statement it shouldn't take long."

With his mouth still open to argue why he should be on the street, Nick bite so his tounge, let's out a meek, "yes sir" and walks out of the room as quickly as possible. Emotionally he's a mess and blowing up now is not an option, he just had to get out of there fast.

Back at the hospital Andy had just arrived at Oliver's room, she peaked in make sure she wasn't interrupting.  
Celery had just stood up, kissing Oliver on the forehead, and was headed for the door. When she saw Andy she said, "Oh Andy, Was just heading to grab some tea, can I get you something?"

"Uh... No thanks" shoe raised her hand slightly, "got it covered." She knew Luke would be there soon and really didn't want to put Celery out, she had enough in her plate already.

Celery smiled sadly and walked to the door, "okay, I'll be back in a bit, give you two some time to talk. At that the two women switched places as Celery left the room and Andy came in, walking up the foot of Oliver's bed.

Her conversation with Celery had been at a whisper, she though Oliver was asleep, but as she put her hand on the footboard of the bed Oliver looked up, bright eyed and a little loopy. "Hey McNally! Your my first visitor of the day, bring me anything good to eat?" He started to chuckle and wink, but then he finally really looked at her and his demeaned went from playful and happy to be safe to terrified.

"McNally, why do you have blood all over your uniform, what happened?!"

Andy's eyes tripled in size in an instant, she looked down at her clothes, she was still wearing last night's clothes and hadn't even thought for a minute to take off her bloody shirt. **Sam's blood**. How could she be so stupid!

She stammered out, "Ol... Ollie, nobody told you?" her voice quivering as she realized she was going to have to tell him his best friend had been shot.

AN- Please let me know what you think so far and what parts of the story you want to hear more of, next chapter should be up in a few days.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN- thank you all for your reviews, I am glad you are liking it. I am currently working on the next few chapters and the characters seem to be pulling the story in ways I didn't expect myself, so stick with me, I do have an endgame in mind. ;-)**

Chapter 3:

Andy was still looking down at the blood on her shirt. As a few tears slowly ran down her cheeks she felt as though she was suddenly on fire. She frantically ripped at the buttons, she had to get it off, she couldn't have Sam's blood on her for a second longer.

And in her mind it was on her in more than one way. Yes, literally on her clothes, but the burning she was feeling now was guilt. If she hadn't been flaunting her relationship with Collins in the hallway, if she had fought for him when she first got back from her UC assignment, if she had stayed with him, at least until he got his gun and a vest... The thoughts were swarming her mind as she finally got the shirt off. Holding it in her hands now, looking down as it was crumpled in a ball, not able to make it any smaller, she looked around, what was she supposed to do with it now?

When she looked up she saw Oliver's face, now remembering she was not alone in the room. She set the shirt on the counter and sat on the bed next to his feet knowing she had to explain what he had just seen, that she had scared him more than necessary, she took a deep breath and searched for her words.

"He shot him," her voice barely audible, but with a crack and a little more dedication to telling Oliver everything, she continued,"Ford shot Sam at the station."

"What?." Oliver gasped, fearing for the worst. As worry and sorrow filled he face he searched her face for a glimpse of hope, knowing that she wouldn't leave his side by choice if he were still alive.

Oliver's voice brought her back to reality for a minute, she had been lost in the memory of the moment Sam had yelled his name, only to be thrown backwards by the force of the shot slowly playing back before her eyes. She looked into his face, seeing the terror she started speaking very quickly.

"Crap," she let out under her breath. "Ollie, he's alive, he's awake even" a pained smile tried to show itself, but she kept talking. "I didn't mean to scare you, he's gonna make it." She looked down pausing- she wanted to tell him more, desperately to be able to say that he would be up and around in no time, but she couldn't. She didn't know that though, and it wasn't a secret that she was the worst lier on the face of the planet.

She had to keep talking, she knew her face would give away the terrible thoughts going through her mind. So she forced it out with a squeak.

"Ford came to the station looking for us. He walked right down the hallway like he owned the place. Ni- Collins," she quickly corrected herself, finding that she couldn't bring herself to utter his first name after giving Sam her heart again in the ambulance. "Collins came out of the parade room and almost walked right into him." She was seeing it in slow motion again.

"Sam yelled Ford's name from down the hall when he saw him and, and'" she was stuttering out the words as she watched happening in slow motion for the thousandth time," and Ford turned and Shot Sam in the stomach- he wasn't wearing a vest." The last few words came out shakily as her voice was laced with guilt, how could she have let him go looking for Ford without a gun or vest, what was wrong with her!

Oliver looked at the pail Rookie he had grown to love over the past 4 years, he could see the same shame and guilt on her face that he had seen on Sam after Jerry was killed. Not knowing how to react, he piped up with the only information Celery had shared with him, hoping to hear the rest of the story.

"We got him, Ford, right, Celery said we caught him."

With that Andy once again was in the moment, drawn out of the evening before she seemed to be stuck in. "Yeah, we got him... Ni- Collins," she did it again "shot him, he was pronounced dead before the ambulance got there for Sam..."

Oliver could see her pain, see that something had struck a cord with her as she forced the words out of her mouth, that the idea of the ambulance had been part of the problem, he noticed her gasp as she said the word. Between her being here with him instead of with Sam and the hurt he perceived At the words she had just spoken, he assumed the problem was Marlo. Marlo must have come with Sam to the hospital, and she must now be at his side, keeping Andy away.

He still needed more information, but he tried to be kind, tried to steer the conversation in another direction, but he couldn't go far. "So me, Sammy, and Price- did anyone else get hurt?"

She just shook her head trying to hide the stress of the past 24 hours.

"Price!" He said again, realized he hadn't had an update since he had gotten here.

"She's in a coma, stable, but they are waiting for surgery or something like that- Dov doesn't really know, her husband showed up and banned him from the ICU."

Oliver's eyes shot wide open, "husband?" He repeated wearily, wondering if he had heard her right.

"Yeah, husband, apparently she was married to a cop from her old division... Poor Dov."

Seeing that the sadness just kept creeping in, Oliver tried to lighten the mood, and chuckled out "that's a pretty impressive secret for Chloe to hold onto, after being her TO for a few months I'm pretty sure I even know her time of the month- would have much preferred the story about the husband."

As he waited for a laugh, smirk, even a punch in the arm- something to let him know he had gotten through to her he realized that her lack of response was something he couldn't overlook. He had to ask what was troubling her most.

"McNally," he grabbed her hand forcing her to look up and into his eyes, "What happened in the ambulance, why aren't you with Sam right now- not that I don't enjoy the company. I mean, I'd enjoy it more with a muffin," this time she scoffed with him, and he starred at her waiting for an answer.

"Oh Ollie," she began to cry softly, "I went with him, I told him everything! That I knew there was never anyone I could be happy with besides him, that I never felt more loved than when I was in his arms, that he was all of me." She choked back the tears, somewhat shocked she had admitted it all over again.

"That's great Andy!" He exclaimed, he would have jumped for joy if getting out of bed had been an option. "Why are you crying, that's a good thing."

"No, no it's not, he, he doesn't remember..." That last bit got lost in her throat As her meek tears became sobs.

"What do you mean he doesn't remember, what aren't you telling me McNally?" Oliver's voice was now stern and fatherly.

"I was there when he woke up," she choked back,"He asked me what happened, he couldn't remember anything from when we started looking for Ford until he woke up an hour ago. Not finding Ford, not how he got shot, and definitely not talking to me. He just looked at me like he had seen a ghost, like I was the last person in the world he had wanted to see."

As she looked down and wiped away her tears with her free hand she let the rest of the words fall from her mouth, muffled in sadness. "The doctors are in there now checking him, The nurse, Monica," she huffed, knowing he knew her as well, "is supposed to get me when I can go back in."

She shut her eyes as another tear drifted down her cheek.

Oliver squeezed her hand and brought her chin up with his other hand, "he will remember," his voice firm but sweet. "He tried to forget you and couldn't. All he could think about was you, moping around for months, just like when you disappeared for 3 months you got suspended. Cruz, "he paused as he second guessed himself, but he had already said too much so what the hell, "Cruz was a means to an end. He went home with her from the Penny, drunk, trying to forget how much he missed you. When you came back he was being stubborn, trying not to admit to himself how much he missed you. I could see it, he never stopped caring about you, never stopped watching you, never forgave himself for not telling you how he felt sooner. When we went camping last month, he told me, told me he still thinks of marrying you, having kids with you, spending his life with you."

He had gotten a little loud toward the end of his speech, and a little out of breath. He knew he shouldn't have said all that, but he had a new lease on life, it is short and shouldn't be wasted, and he was sick of seeing his best friend and his best rookie act like idiots and refuse to see what was right in front of them.

He let go of Andy's hand and rubbed his forehead and eyes, partially out of regret, and partially because he was just so tired.

Andy just sat staring at him, mouth hanging open. She was speechless.

Celery entered the room with a breakfast sandwich and some drinks. "My hero," Oliver exclaimed as he lifted his arms.

Celery just smiled, she had been back for a few minutes but waited outside. The door was ajar and she could hear the conversation, she didn't want to interrupt what seemed so intimate. But as Oliver got amped up she started to worry about his own recovery and had decided to step in. Plus, the nurse had been there a moment ago and she thought Andy should know.

"Ollie, I got extra turkey bacon for you." She kept smiling, but looked at Andy just in time to miss the look on his face as he was contemplating the flavor of turkey bacon. "Andy, the nurse just came by, said some detective was in talking to Sam, as soon as he's done you can go in."

Andy was still in shock from what Oliver had said as she jumped from the edge of his bed, said "Thank you" and disappeared from the room in a flash, just barely catching the nod of approval from Oliver as she ran for the door.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN- thank you all so much for the reviews! from the messages I have been getting I see that we are on the same page as to what must follow in the storyline- I will try and update at least once daily, have a few outlines done for the next bit of chapters but staying true to the characters is harder than I expected, so please keep up the reviews, suggestions, and critiques if you feel something isn't up to snuff. thank you again for the support, I haven't written anything in almost 10 years and you are all really helping to bring back my confidence and desire to unleash my creative side again._

_***so sorry! I updated some grammatical stuff and apparently messed up this chapter, it's fixed, sorry for the confusion and thanks Jan for pointing it out! _

Chapter 4

Andy is in the hallway now, just outside Sam's room, hunched forward in her chair with her Elbows on her knees and her hands over her face. She didn't look up when she heard her name in the distance, it didn't seem to belong to her.

"Andy," she heard again as a hand appeared on her shoulder and a coffee appeared before her face.

"Uh, thanks" she eked out before the voice had settled in her head and her head snapped up and she responded in surprise, "Nick!"

She knew he was supposed to be at work, and the uniform just enforced what she thought she already knew. "What are you doing here, I thought with everything that happened we'd be short handed at the station- I thought you would be working." She tried to not sound like she was scolding him, but she was still taking in what Oliver had said to her and what she had told Sam the night before. She knew she had to talk to Nick about it all, but now?

"Uh, yeah, actually..." His voice trailed a little as he tried to make sense of what was going on in her head. Those months under cover with her had made him an expect of subtext, at least when it came to her. He tried to save face and keep his tone even,"I am working. Chris took the desk for me so I could bring you these," he motioned to the bags he had set down on the seat next to hers before handing her the coffee. Realizing that didn't sound like work he added, "Trace sent it, its a change of clothes, well one bag is for you and the other is for Swarek. It's just what was in your lockers..."

He noticed that she was now intently staring not at her own bag, but at the sleeve sticking out from Sam's. She couldn't seem to look him in the eye, he knew something was wrong.

He sat next to her, half facing her, and placed his hand on her thigh, "Spill it."

She just looked up, she didn't know what to say but from the look on his face she knew she had to say something. So she started at the beginning, started from the moment Sam told her he wanted her to be happy more than he could ever want anything for himself. That she followed him out of the station, what she had said during the ride to the hospital. Once she started she couldn't seem to stop, granted she was staring at his vest, refusing to look at his face, but still she continued. She shared how she felt when he woke up and couldn't remember the night before, what Oliver had said, and how she had been sitting there in shock since leaving Oliver and Celery just waiting for her chance to talk to Sam.

Nick, sat there listening and at this latest break, he put his face down next to hers and whispered, "what does that mean for us?" He wasn't sure if he wanted an answer, but he knew he needed one.

A tear rolled down Andy's face as she had gotten to the hardest thing to say. "He, he's my story, I told him he was my story. Oliver made me see that I've hurt him time and time again- I made him promise not to just leave when things get tough, but I have done it to him TWICE." The last word stung as she had been so hurt she had refused to see her own fault in it until now. Seeing his eyes sadden at every word she said she continued. "He's my story and I love him Nick, but you," she took a breath to try and push these next words from her lips. "But in the last year you have been my best friend and I love you too. Bet as much as I love you, can't think of a day without you, it's still him. I owe it to Sam, to myself, even to you to not run this time. I need to see what is going to happen. It can't be like with Luke, I sped through that relationship so fast to spite my feelings for Sam; it was like he was forbidden fruit that chased me right into Luke's arms, and we all know how that turned out for me." She looked down for a moment remembering the pain of not just the cheating, but how much more it had hurt that he had lied and snuck around. She knew what it felt like to plan a life with someone who hadn't given her their full heart, how could she do that to Nick? she looked back up, searching for his eyes and squeezing his hand slightly, "I know it's not fair to ask but I need you too, standing by me- Nick I need you to be the friend I trusted with my life, the guy who had my back even to the point of pulling the trigger." They both cringed as the memory flashed before their eyes. "I need-"

But Nick was done listening, he stood up, pulling her up with him. Before she could say a word he was holding her in a tight embrace, so tight she could hardly breath. He whispered in her ear, "I told you when we started this that our friendship came first. I'm glad your willing to fight to be happy." As he paused just for a second closing his eyes and screaming at himself 'what are you doing idiot! She is everything, why are giving up!'  
He continued, "Andy, do what you need to do, I'm not going to stand in your way, not going to stop being your friend, not going to stop loving you." With a gulp he got up the courage to kiss her cheek, wipe a tear away with his thumb and say, "I, uh, gotta get back to the barn, Diaz was expecting me back a while ago.

At some point during his whispered words she had given in to the hug, embracing him willingly, listening to her friend release her. As she felt how much he loved her, praying he wasn't hurting, the blush had taken over her face once again.

Now as she took her arms from around his body, nodded a shy goodbye, and got her composure back, she could feel the blush leaving. Her heart skipped a beat as she knew that the only thing holding her back from her, Sam, and a conversation that could start her forever was Detective Callahan and his seemingly endless questions. She went to sip her coffee and stopped with the cup inches from her mouth- Luke was standing 30 feat from her taking a drink of his own coffee. She knew she was going to have to talk to him eventually, but this couldn't wait.

...

She span toward Sam's room, grabbed the bags off the chair, and with a new found confidence she stepped toward her future.

Sam shifts uncomfortably, "are we done here?" He just wants Luke to leave before he can't hold back anymore, but it is too late. As he shifted he let out the slightest groan of pain as he winced, getting comfortable and looking tough in front of your self appointed arch enemy is really hard when you have been shot! He closed his eyes thinking to himself, "please just leave" but he had no such luck.

Callahan heard the groan and saw the pain in his face. He motioned to Sam's wound, "I've been there, It's not an easy recovery, but you'll be fine. At least you'e still in ICU for now, once you get transferred it'll look like they moved you to the gift shop instead of a recovery room."  
Sam started to scoff, but as he looked up at Luke his eyes went blank as though he was watching everything dear to him slip away.  
Luke caught the look on his face and turned to the window to see what Sam had been focused on, seeing Collins and McNally embracing he let out a sigh as he turned back to Sam, "That hurts worse..." As he let out a long breath and looked down at his notebook once again, he held himself back from saying anything more about it. His face contorting at the thoughts entering his mind, the curiosity of what really happened the night of the blackout, the regret from his night with Jo the hotel. No, it was best to let the thoughts pass and keep his mouth shut.

Sam was looking down now, fiddling with his left ring ringer as he remembered his dream- how could he go from his wedded bliss back to this, back to watching her be happy with someone else. Oh how he wished to be back in his dream world and out of the harsh reality settling around him.

Luke turned to walk away, as he opened the door he looked over his shoulder and said- "I'm sorting this mess out, once I know more Ill keep you posted, for now, Cruz is the only one suspended. I just don't know what to do, she caused all this," he paused with a large gesture as if he was saying 'the fish was THIS big' and broke through again, "But... I uh, arrested Abe Ford this morning, with the guilt of his brothers death he confessed, as wrong as she was, she still helped us catch him. Ugh..." Now talking more to himself as he walked out the door shaking his head,"what am I going to do..."

Sam closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push the pain of what he had just seen from his mind. Instead he tried remember what it was like to be with Andy. What her skin felt like against his, the way her voice sounded the night before when he tried to leave, what she had said in the ambulance, how she smelled as her hair had been spread on his arm this morning when he woke up. That smell, he could remember that smell and he smiled. He heard the door open and all he wanted to do was scream 'Go Away!' so that he could be alone with her lingering smell.

Trying not to piss Callahan off anymore though, as that fate of his career seemed to be in his hands, he refrained from yelling and instead just opened his eyes.

"Andy." Her name escaped his lips as her mere presence knocked the wind out of him. 'Just breath Sam' he told himself, 'just breathe.'


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

What the hell is she trying to do to me? I know I said I wanted her to be happy with Collins, but did she miss the part where I was willing to get shot to not have to see it? She obviously doesn't care, why is she here? Just guilt I suppose, feels like she has to be here since I got shot instead of Collins... But then what was that in the ambulance!? I'm sure she would say it was just the heat of the moment, just like she was sure my love for her was just some fleeting moment because of that grenade. How can she play with my emotions like this? Any she loves me and then run back into Collins' arms... She has always been a runner...

Sam's inner dialogue was screaming at him. When he awoke this morning, just a few hours ago she was all he could think about, their future together, what they would name their kids, what kind of puppy they would get to name Boo. Their story was all he wanted. But in the last few minutes he had seen that her story was a load of crap and he wanted nothing to do with it!

He had never been a fan of hospitals but now that he was hooked to machines unable to move while she was standing at his door, it felt like the cruelest prison known to man. He wished he COULD leave, he wished she WOULD leave. 'think Sam!' He told himself, "what will get her out of here and fast?'

While the endless chatter in his mind felt like hours of torment, it had only been about 30 second since Andy had come in the room and he had breathlessly eked out her name, which he would kick himself for at this moment if he physically could.

"Sam," she began, suddenly losing the nerve she had as she had bound into the room. "Tracy sent some clothes for you, it's just the stuff from your locker, but I can go by your place and get you something else when you want it." She had a hopeful tone about her, desperately trying to keep her cool and ease into this. Not for fear of his reaction, but because she knew if this was going to work this time she couldn't just run in and jump him, as satisfying as his lips were against hers, it wasn't the best way to start over.

Sam felt as though Andy fishing to do him a favor and go to his house for whatever he wanted was all the proof he needed that she was here out of guilt. Here's my chance! "The clothes from my locker will be fine until Marlo brings the stuff from my place, thanks but I've got it covered."

He said it so cold and non-chalant. Andy bit her lip and tried to hide the shock in her eyes- she had gotten Collins out of the picture only to forget about Marlo. Trying to push the feeling of stupidity that was radiating through her entire body she tried to kill the awkward silence with a question, any question. Somehow, nothing of any meaning could reach her lips, so she went into to cop mode- 'it's just like taking a statement McNally' she told herself and prepared to ask a barade of questions.

"Okay, great," she said attempting a smile, "I don't have a car to get there and back at the moment anyway. So, uh, I'm supposed to update Sergeant Best of your condition as soon as possible- what did the doctor say? Do you know how long you will be in ICU, what the extent of the surgery was, when you'll be back on your feet? Now that you have been awake a few hours do you remember more about what happened last night?" the last question was a little higher pitched than the others, which made sense as it was the most important to her at the moment.

'Unbelievable, she is just unbelievable' he thought to himself. Te Marlo comment was meant to send her the message that he didn't need her there, didn't need her help and she didn't take the hint- instead she showed her true colors, she was only there babysitting him for Frank. That must be why she was in uniform this morning when he first saw her.

As robotic and snarky as he could manage he answered her laundry list of questions.

"I'm in the ICU until they move me to another room. They pulled a bullet out of my gut and sewed it all back up, if you need any medical jargon for your report you'll have to ask the doctor. I will be back on my feet once I'm moved and they start my rehab. I won't be able to change out of this lovely hospital gown until then either, so you can just throw the bag in the corner. And about last night, I already gave my statement to Detective Callahan- I don't remember much am I'm not supposed to talk to anyone about it until he has anyone's statements." He got all this out without making eye contact, trying to emphasize the lack of memory of last nights events.  
If only it were true, if only she hadn't said those things to him and then run into the arms of Nick Collins.

"Anything else?" He let out coldly as he closed his eyes, "I need to go get some sleep- update Frank before you leave and I'll make sure the doctors have you listed as a contact so you can call in for updates, no need to come back later." He forced out a yawn and started to count the seconds, if she wasn't gone in the next 2 minutes he was going to scream.

His callousness had done the trick, she felt so foolish- how could she have believed Oliver so easily. Not that he would lie to her, but to believe that Sam would have shared his feelings with anyone, much less another man, when he had never said those things to her even when their relationship was at its best, well that's just preposterous. The pain she was feeling now was the result of being so gullible that someone with a head injury who was probably high on pain killers seemed like a credible source. 4 years later and she's still making Rookie mistakes!

"Okay Sam, I have to go give my statement to Callahan anyway," her voice cracked a little as she walked toward him. "I'll come back later to check on you."

"No". His voice cutting the tension in the room like a knife, "you shouldn't come back." As she let out a breath about to say something he added, "I mean it McNally, don't come back, end of story." He had kept his eyes closed through his last words, he wasn't going to let her see his eyes for fear they might show his pain as he set an end to to story she told him the night before.

She was hurt, cursing Oliver in her head, but she wasn't giving up this time, No more running, she had promised herself and used that as the reason to break it off with Nick. She couldn't go back on her plan in less than an hours time! So she didn't run, instead she took the last three steps that were between her and Sam, bent down, kissed him on the forehead, and tossed her hand through his hair as she whispered, "like it or not, I WILL be back, get some sleep, see you soon."

She wished she could sit by his side, hold his hand, watch him sleep, but not now, for now she had a few things to take care of. First Oliver, he sent her into an ambush and now he was going to get his own rendition. Next, a much needed shower as her polyester police pants felt as though they had become one with her body. Finally, Luke, if he needed a statement so she could talk to Sam again it was worth the hassle of going to the barn and getting yelled at about keeping Marlo's secret. Even a suspension would be worth being able to freely speak with Sam! to be with him without time restraints! Maybe a suspension wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.

She grabbed the bag Nick had brought her and walked out the door, made a quick left and marched toward Oliver's room, rage and pain battling inside to find which would attack him first...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"You're an idiot"

Sam had sulked himself to sleep a few hours earlier, and that was not how he expected to be woken. "What?"

"You, are, an, idiot" Oliver repeated slowly over enunciating each word.

Sam opened his eyes, happy to see his best friend up and around, and from the looks of it even ready to skip out of the hospital and head home. He smirked as he cockily retorted, "I saved a mans life and helped to stop a maniac, I wasn't planning on getting shot."

"Not that moron, though we will come back to that because I'm dying to hear a logical reason you were running around with no gun or armor- hasn't call of duty black ops taught you anything," he stifled his own chuckle, he was here for a serious reason and intended on keeping it that way, "I meant about McNally, she just chewed me out for almost an hour! She told you she loves you and you chickened out again! what is wrong with you man?"

"I didn't chicken out, she didn't give me a chance, she was making out with Collins right outside my door!" The force and anger in his voiced as he started to yell at Oliver even shocked him. "Oliver you know me better than anyone, you know if she were ready to forgive me and give it a go I would keep the promise I made to her the night she left- home cooked meals every night, she'd never do a dish or go near the trash, puppy of her choice- as long as it takes to get that second chance. But I blew it, I blew it a year ago, she told me that then and she showed me that yet again today!"

Oliver, who had been holding the door open at this point, slightly pushed it away allowing it to close, if Sam was going to yell! No sense in the whole hospital hearing it.

To Sam's surprise, which was clearly stated in the hollow and guilt reddened that quickly flashed over his face where the pain had just been, Oliver was not currently his only visitor. As the door had swung shut it reveled a figure curled into the fetal position sitting on the floor, now with a tear in her eye.

Oliver turned to see what had changed Sam's demeanor, saw Marlo huddled as close to the door as possible, and as his jaw dropped he quickly snapped his gaze back to Sam. "Aaah, uh, Celery was just getting the car, I really only came to say a quick goodbye, I'll bring you lunch next week." Oliver's words were quick and a bit high pitched, which matched the speed at which he ran out of the room. If the situation hadn't been so awkward and uncomfortable Sam would have laughed at his unsteady friend as he tripped over his own feet making his way to the lobby. But this was awkward, and laughing now would only make it that much worse.

Sam just stared, hoping somehow the drugs were making him hallucinate. He wanted to say something, anything, but even though he managed to open his mouth no words followed.

Marlo stood and walked over to his bedside, placing her hands on the back of the chair Andy had occupied this morning. Sam had never intended to hurt Marlo, but it was all over her face that he had anyway.

"Sam, I'm going to talk and you are going to listen"she paused a moment to give him the time to nod in agreement, which he did. As he did though, his mind trailed back to last night when Andy had said the same thing- he knew the next words wouldn't be the same as the night before, but wondered if it would actually be harder to hear if they were. No time like the present to hash this out, so he decided to take it like a man, be quiet, and take his lashings.

"Thank you." Sam's eyes bulged as those were not the words he was expecting. She continued in a tone that seemed both sincere and cubicle, though he wasn't sure how that worked. "Thank you for making this easy. I have been sitting in the corner for the last 2 hours not knowing how to face you, not knowing how to take a step back without hurting you. I caused this, you here in the hospital, Shaw and Price being targeted, that was me not controlling my disease. That was me wanting so desperately to feel my absolute love for you that I made bad choices, went off my meds, and threw my career away. I'm suspended indefinitely, I'm sure Callahan will give me a tribunal date at some point, but this was too much, I don t have a chance. I'm leaving Sam, I'm packed up and heading out of town- to somewhere I will still have a chance at being normal instead of the crazy cop that badgered an innocent man to the point Of a shooting spree against my own division." She was flustered but speaking evenly, Sam got the idea that she had recited this speech, at least most of it, over and over again before coming to face him.

"I fell in love with you and it nearly destroyed us both." She leaned in and kissed him one last kiss, it was short and sweet, and carried an undeniable meeting- she was never intending on kissing him again. "Good bye Sam."

She turned and walked out of the room without the slightest hesitation. She was gone and Sam hadn't said a thing. He felt awful. He wasn't sure though if was because he had just witnessed Marlo's broken heart or if it was because his thoughts had immediately gone back to his dream from this morning. As a glimmer of hope lit up his eyes he once again began to play with his ring finger on his left hand and thought about the possibilities with Andy. Even just the thought of her eased his mind. Now it was just a waiting game- Andy hadn't taken the hint this morning, had said she would be back in a few hours, now he just had to wait.

He stared at the door in anticipation for what felt like hours until he slowly drifted to sleep.

...

The Penny was not the best place to go to hide from the drama of work, it may actually be the worst, but at least it had whiskey and Nick was on his 4th glass of the evening.

He sat at the bar, not sure if he was trying tom drown his sorrow or lull himself into an alcohol induced amnesia. How could he have not seen this coming. He lived with Andy for 6 months hearing her profess he love for Sam Swarek, the man who left her in the rain after blaming her for the death of her best friends fiancé. The man who only said he loved her as she was holding a bomb. The man she cried over time and time again because he had moved on while she was still pining.

"I knew I didn't have a shot, she was in love with him and I blew it with Gail by getting stuck in some fantasy that was never going to happen... What was I thinking!" His thoughts were screaming at him, and he was drunk enough at this point that he might have been muttering them into his glass. The only reassurance he had at the moment was that everyone he worked with was still in shock of the previous 36 hours, spending their time at the hospital or at home with their families instead of sitting in their favorite bar. The bar was blissfully void of any familiar faces besides Liam, and he had a sigh of relief as he order his 5th drink.

The slight satisfaction he found sitting alone at the bar didn't last. In fact, it was shattered as Liam handed him his drink and motioned toward the door. she was here, Andy had just walked in.

She saw Nick and crossed the room to order a beer. He saw the signs that she had been crying, why was she always crying.

She sat next to him and nudged him with her elbow, "Hey, can we talk."

It probably wasn't a good idea, but he had consumed too much alcohol in the last hour and a half to make any sort of judgment call, and how could he say no to that angelic face. "Sure," he mustered out while lifting his drink to his lips.

"I, uh, I haven't been thinking clearly. I'm so sorry Nick, I never wanted to hurt you. In the heat of the moment I-"

"No," he cut her off. "I said I would be there for you, that we were always friends first, and I meant it, I wanted to mean it. But not tonight Andy." He threw back the rest of his drink, slammed a few crisp bills out of his wallet onto the bar top, and walked out without another word.

Andy sat looking at her beer, realizing that she had driven yet another man in her life to run away from her. Oliver was right, she was a runner and now she was reaping what she had sown.

**AN- thank you for reading, i have 3 more chapters almost ready to go, just need to upload them so updates will be quick. Please leave reviews. I'm running into a bit of writers block, your comments help me break through!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

It had been the longest week of Andy's life. As she sat on her bed hugging her knees she wondered how had her life changed so much in such a short amount of time.

5 days ago was a typical Thursday morning, Chloe had been her partner, in an ever chipper mood. They responded to a 911 call about a sleeping bum in the park and then the shot had echoed off of the buildings that surrounded them. They were under fire and their lives would change forever.

Now, 5 days later she didn't know what to do with herself. She had finally admitted to herself how much she loved Sam, how the pain of being without him here and now was far worse than the fear of the unknown. The thoughts that had terrorized her for months; if they tried again he might withdrawal again. She was starting to recognize her pattern. She had been the one who ran out on Sam the night of the black out, had chosen her career over him after her suspension, had run into an undercover assignment instead of talking it out with him over a drink. She had even been running from her heartbreak when she wound up in bed with Nick, and look where that had gotten her! She had effectively ruined that friendship, she hadn't talked to him since Sunday night when he walked out of the Penny, and apparently her life.

She hadn't talked to anyone really. The last time she had seen Oliver he was running out of the hospital, as much as one could run with a concussion. It looked more like a fast paced drunken stagger. She called out after him, but he just kept going without looking back, but should couldn't blame him. When she had last talked to him earlier that day she had been ripping him a new one, taking out her broken heart on him as if it were his fault instead of her own. She also wasn't interested in chasing him down at the moment, she was back to see Sam. But when she went to his room and saw Marlo in there, saw them kiss, she had turned to run as fast as should could. She ran to the Penny, to Nick, and then he ran from her.

She was hoping that she would have at least been able to talk to him at work the next day, but before parade even began Frank had pulled her and sent her to talk to Callahan- which led to an incredibly short day of work actually. She had never been a good lier, and her guilty conscience had been weighing on her for weeks. When Luke had said that the Ford situation could have been avoided, she broke. She told him everything. Going back to the day she had been stuck in an anthrax decontamination room with her to the day Kevin Ford had been attacked by his neighbor. That she had covered for Marlo and even changed the entry in her log book. There was so much more to the story than he had imagined, he had no choice to suspend her effective immediately.

Tracy had called a few times, so had Chris, but nobody knew she was suspended, they all thought she had taken leave to be with Sam in the hospital like Dov had so he could be with Chloe. Poor Dov; Chloe had a pinpoint stroke early Sunday morning and had to undergo an emergency craniotomy to relieve the pressure from her head. It had been a blessing in disguise though- because they had to check her brain activity after the surgery the Doctors had brought her out of her induced coma just for a few minutes. All she seemed to care about was him, she had asked for him so urgently and emphatically that her husband seemed to get the hint. He relinquished the right to make her medical decisions over to Chloe's mother and left her bedside. Her mother allowed Dov to go back in, and he's been there ever since. But all that info came via mass text to her and the other Rookies. The thought astonished her.

What had happened to 15 division? They were a family, they were _her _family, but now they weren't even talking to each other. More like her family than she cared to admit as tried to shake the comparison from her head as she saw herself as the problem. If 15 was like the family she grew up in, she was Claire, and the problems they were facing now, this unnatural separation during this time of tragedy, was linked to her running away over and over again.

"How did our lives get like this?" She muttered aloud as she was now slightly rocking in place, still hugging her knees, looking as though she hadn't showered in days. Her phone was ringing, it was Oliver. This was the first time he had reached out to her since the day at the hospital, but the guilt sunk in again, how she treated the man who had always looked out for her like a big brother. She was done running, but hiding was still an option. She pulled the covers over her head and tried to go back to sleep.

Oliver was whistling as he entered the hospital baring his favorite type of gift- food!  
It was Tuesday morning and he was here for his final follow up appointment, just to triple check that he would be able to return to work the next day. The gift was for Sam. He intended on keeping his word and bringing lunch before starting back on shift, plus he had some apologizing to do. He had been avoiding Sam since the fiasco he was sure he had caused with Marlo.

As Oliver got to Sam's room he entered cautiously, looked around a few times and even peeked under the bed as he got closer to Sam and asked,"Hey Sammy, are you alone?"

The hollow look in Sam's eyes had made Oliver nervous, but the slight smirk that had crept up Sam's jaw line while he checked under the bed had set him at ease.  
He figured he couldn't put his foot in his mouth any more than he had the last time he was here, so he just blurted everything out. "So uh, what happened with Cruz? You take care of things with McNally yet?" His tone sounding a bit like an excited 16 year old girl at a slumber party about to hear the best gossip of the year. He heard it though as he said it and tried to recover by quickly following up in a bit more somber voice. "I mean, uh, how's it going? Are you allowed to eat yet? I brought soup!" He held up the bag with a smile.

Sam hadn't had many visitors, lots of flowers, balloons, and chocolates delivered, just as Callahan had warned, but save his sister Sarah, Frank, and Noelle, no one had come to see him since Marlo. Not for a social visit anyway. Monica had been there, but she was working, and Callahan had been back too, but he had only come to dig deeper into the whole Marlo situation. So the offer of soup and a friendly face was a welcome change, even if Oliver had called him an idiot the last time the saw each other.

Sam took the soup and ate with his friend, explained what happened with Marlo and admitted that he had been missing Andy, she hadn't come by or called since Friday afternoon. While a 4 day absence wasn't much, especially after she had been undercover for 6 months, he felt it even more this time. He wasn't sure if it was because he hated hospitals so much or if it was that every time he closed his eyes he saw her. Sometimes it was a blissfully wonderful experience, dreaming of their future together or remembering her words in the ambulance. But he also had flashes of her looking happy with Collins, her crying in the rain the night he made the biggest mistake of his life, of her telling him it was too late when he had finally pulled his head out of his butt and told her he loved her.

Oliver was feeling guilty that he hadn't come by sooner, but Celery had been keeping him busy. At the mention of not seeing Andy though, Oliver was confused. "You didn't talk to her after I left? She was in the lobby walking this way when I left, I thought she was heading to see you. I thought she-"

"No," Sam sounded weary, "after Marlo left I tried to stay awake, tried to wait for her- she had said she would come back. But she made her choice, she picked Collins! not much I can do about that- she deserves to be happy"

"She didn't pick Collins" Oliver was shaking his head with confusion.

"She did pick Collins, they were together right before she came to see me Sunday, I saw them through the window, she made her choice. It's done. Once and for all it's done. I lost."

It was odd the Oliver would be wearing a smirk after his friend was sounding so defeated, but he had remembered that in his rush to escape there last conversation he had never told Sam the details of his, shall we say, 'lecture' from Andy. Again, he was probably overstepping, and it got him chewed out last time, but if he figured since he spilled Sam's secrets it was only fair that he spilled a few of Andy's too.

"You are still an idiot," he chuckled as Sam looked at him in confused shock. How could that possibly be an appropriate response to what he had just said?

Oliver continued,"She ended things with Collins. Said he brought clothes for you and some for her while you were in talking to Callahan. She told him everything about the ambulance and needing to stop running, needing to have her story. She told me she was done running, not giving up even if you had been a jerk that morning, made excuses for you that it must have been the drugs talking. She was coming back that night to-"

Sam was now wide eyed as he interrupted with a single ghostly word, "Marlo!"

Oliver stopped in his tracks and said, "What? Where?" As he looked around the room again, a hint of panic in his voice.

Sam had a renewed look of hope, slight smirk turning up the edges of his mouth. "What if Andy saw me and Marlo breaking up and thought that I had picked her instead? The same thing I thought about her and Collins."

Oliver's face broke into a grin from ear to ear as he pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it to Sam, "you have to call her brother."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Andy had spent another full day in bed and had just been woken by the phone. She covered her head with her pillow, attempting to drown out the noise as a second call was now coming in on her landline. Her attempts to ignore the world and serve her suspension out in bed, though she didn't know how long that would be, were rendered futile by her tiny bladder. She rolled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. As she passed the dresser her cell was laying on, it began to ring yet again. Instead of throwing it against the wall, which she had contemplated a few times over the last few days, she answered without looking to see who it was, "what!" She huffed.

That huff was too much though. Her faced changed drastically as she recognized two tragic details. One, in addition to not showering since she had come home suspended, she hadn't been brushing her teeth either- which was all too evident as she could now smell her own breath bouncing back at her from the screen of her phone. Although that terrible hygiene flaw was a mixture of the beer, tequila, coffee, and garlic pizza she had been living off of for five days, it wasn't even the worst part.

She stammered, "yes sir... Of coarse I can be there by noon... Yes sir, see you then." She had answered her phone screaming at none other than sergeant  
Best, calling to remind her about her review tribunal to set the conditions of her suspension. This is the same review that she had gone through 2 years prior before being officially suspended for 3 months. Just the thought of it sent a chill down her spine. The extra guidelines last time included a 3 month gag order between her and Sam. She used it as an excuse to run and chose her career over him. She went ghost white thinking about the possibilities. She didn't want to be put in that position again, choosing between her Dream guy and her dream job. She tried to shake off this feeling of despair.

"Get it together McNally." She had just over 90 minutes to get her self mentally, physically, and hygienically ready to face her fate.

As she dropped the phone she grabbed her toothbrush and brought it with her to the shower. She needed to figure out what she was going to say but all she could think about as she stepped into the warm water was Sam and how she had used this very tribunal to run out on him- this time she was determined not to run!

Callahan was sitting in Frank's office when Andy arrived, 15 minutes ahead of schedule. Nervous energy was surging through her body as she sat waiting for him leave and the review board to arrive. She needed a distraction. She pulled her phone out and examined the screen for the first time in days. 105 missed calls, 37 messages, and 52 texts had gone unnoticed while she wallowed in self pity. It was too much to take in so she sent a single mass text to buy herself a little time.

'_**Sorry guys, I know I have been off the grid the last week, I will call once a get a few things ironed out.'**_

Not an impressive or thoughtful message in the slightest, but it would give her the time to go through the messages individually. As she clicked back over into her incoming messages she read a few updates about Chloe, still in an induced coma waiting for swelling to clear up, a few from Tracy about how she worried was. Then there was the one from Nick that made her eyes hollow- "left you a message last night, I know I screwed up at the Penny. Im not breaking my promise though, I will wait for you, call me."

Forgetting where she was just for a moment, she quickly dialed her voicemail and put the phone to her ear. Just as the first message had started, "Hey, it's Trace..." Frank opened his door,"McNally" he said sternly and beckoned her into the room. She quickly hung up her phone and shoved it into her pocket, jumping to her feet and walking to the door.

As she passed Frank on her way in she saw that Luke was still there and no one else from the review board was present, "strange," she thought to herself, but her confusion quickly turned to fear as she saw the file box full of notes that Callahan had with him, this was going to be bad...

Andy had been in Frank's office for 35 minutes as Callahan and Sergeant  
Best took turns lecturing, beraiding, and warning her about everything from knowing when to stick up for a fellow office and when to stand down, about keeping personal drama separate from patrol, and "Answer your damn phone," they had both thrown that in a few times, but had still yet to get to the notes in Callahan's box.

Finally, he pulled out an official looking letter, as she attempted to read it up side down, frantically impatient by the point she caught one very frightening word from the top of the page... RESIGNATION.

They weren't even going to wait for a tribunal, this was it, she was done, forced to quit while she was still a rookie. It took five years in the job to loose that title and she had only made it four.

"Andy," Luke began, looking to Frank for approval, "what I hold in my hand is a letter of resignation from officer Marlo Cruz."

She let out a sigh of relief, then pulled herself back into a stance of extreme worry as she realized he could still be asking for hers.

He continued, "according to this, and her official statement regarding the Ford harassment case, she has been hiding ongoing care for mental illness, BiPolar disease. She apologizes for putting other officers at risk but not disclosing this sooner, to ANY officers of 15 division..." He had put extra emphasis at every point that placed all responsibility on Cruz as if the discovery in her basement was the first inclination that there had been a problem.

He was still talking, but she was no longer able to focus- Marlo took the blame and covered for me. Is Sam using her to protect me just like he used me to protect her with the log book entry?

The question was all her mind could focus on until Frank's voice boomed her back into reality. "McNally, you will continue to be suspended for a total of no less than 1 month. This will be considered an unpaid medical leave stemming from your involvement in the shooting spree of Kevin Ford. You will be required to see Dr. Dwyer 3 times weekly until she clears you as fit for duty. Your suspension will be extended until she has given you that clearance."

Luke noticed when confusion painted Andy's face at the term "medical leave" so he interjected. "It's obvious that you have been traumatized by the spree as you were present when both officers were shot, when Kevin Ford was killed, and were the officer on record as officially reporting officer Shaw as a hostage. Less than 72 hours out from the events you were in my office rambling for hours admitting to policy, protocol, and criminal violations that never happened. The statements of the other witnesses and officers cleared you of those false claims. I even checked the log books, your handwriting wasn't in there." He had been looking her in the eye for a fraction to long, seeing the spark in her eye as she suddenly understood. She was in fact being protected, but not by Sam- it was Luke and Frank who were having another officer's back 'At the appropriate time' which is what their lecture had been about. Afraid to give away to much in his gaze, Callahan turned and looked to Frank, who continued:

"Failure to report for your sessions will also extend your suspensions."

She wanted to say "Yes Sir" and get out of his office as quickly as she could before they changed their minds, but she got caught up on the tiniest grammatical error in his speech that seduced a question out of her and before her brain could stop her mouth she asked,"Suspensions sir?" giving extra emphasis to its plurality.

He looked down a moment as if he had said too much, but continued- "yes, suspensions, both you and officer Swarek, and you will be required to attend at least one session with Dr Dwyer together as well to ensure that you two can safely work together without putting each other or your fellow officers at risk. This isn't the first time this concern has come up and if we can't lay it to rest it'll hurt the whole team." He finished by motioning to the squad room below his office windows.

"McNally, dismissed- but **Answer Your Phone**- we will be letting you know the schedule with Dr Dwyer shortly"

"Yes sir," she jumped up, nodded toward Callahan who looked away, attempting not to acknowledge her, and left the office taking the stairs two at a time. She was relieved, but also nervous about her return to work being dependent on a group session with Sam- if she expected Dr Dwyer to sign off on that anytime soon she had to mend a few fences first. Wow what a problem to have... She had been worried about mandatory separation from Sam and now she was nervous about mandatory time together. Ten minutes later she was dressed in street clothes and marching toward the door, determined to slip out of the station without being seen.

It didn't work.


	9. Chapter 9

AN- thank you all so much for continuing to read and review, you have really supported me through my first fan fic story! This is a really short chapter, but Im going in a bit of a new direction , trying to make sure I can be true to all the characters if possible. Please stick with me and as always, your critiques, comments, and suggestions are appreciated and encouraged. I was updating more often, and I still hope to, but I promise the next chapter will be up within a week.

**Chapter 9**

Andy was fiddling with her phone, setting a special ringtone as she walked out of the locker room. She wasn't being nearly as stealth as she could have been, but she was off her guard. She knew 15 was short staffed and everyone she had been avoiding would be on patrol. Instead of surveying the hall before attempting her back door exit she was keeping eye contact somewhere between her phone and the floor, until she was stopped cold by 8 little words.

"Andrea McNally! Where the hell have you been?"

The words were spoken in the most frightening hushed tone that sent shivers down her spine. The stern motherly inflection that let her know she was about to be grounded for life, and had her questioning for just a moment why her middle name got left out. Yes, that particular tone was unmistakable, even if for someone who grew up without that type of discipline.

She looked up, ghost white, to see Tracy Nash leaning against the wall outside the locker rooms, arms crossed. "_Crap_" she thought to herself, _"I forgot Tracy would be here_" as she threw her head up and rolled her eyes, arms lifting in a huff as if she were cursing the heavens.

"Tracy! I'm so sorry, I was just-" But before she could ramble off an excuse, which she didn't have, Tracy pushed herself off the wall and grabbed her, hugging her so tightly she wasn't sure she would be able to breathe. "It's okay sweetie, just nice to know your still on the planet." Tracy's voice broke and Andy could feel the worry that she had put her friend through.

A tear rolled Andy's cheek. When did she become the girl that disappeared for a week and let her friends take the hit emotionally? "Trace, I'm so sorry, I haven't checked my phone in days... I was going to call you today, I was here to meet with Sarge and now I'm heading to the hosp-"

"Andy, calm down, your talking a mile a minute. I get it, when Jerry..." She was trying to comfort her friend but she got lost in her own sadness for a moment. "I uh, I was going to come see you and Sam today actually, just got these released from evidence." She held up a plastic bag with 2 familiar objects dangling inside. "You want to take it to him instead," she teased while shaking the bag and grinning from ear to ear.

Andy grabbed the bag smiled, "Trace, this is perfect, thank you so much." As she hugged her goodbye she whispered in her ear, "I love you, I'll call you tonight after I see Sam, I promise. I have so much to fill you in on."

Andy turned and walked out the door towards the parking lot pulling Sam's keys from the bag muttering,"this is perfect." If she needed some grand excuse to visit him after he had made it clear he didn't want her to, this was it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Andy walked into the hospital carrying a large duffle bag. It had taken her longer than expected to get there, but it was worth it. She had felt so rejected, again, after professing her love and watching him push her away and choose Marlo again. Somehow, going to get him a few things from his place made her feel normal again. Everything being in the same place still made her feel as though time hadn't passed, wasn't getting in between them. The only thing that had changed was the bathroom- her drawer now empty. While that sent a tinge of regret through her heart like a dagger, it also gave her a sliver of hope. She focused on the empty drawer as though it was still hers, it. Was cleaned out, yes, but her things hadn't been replaced with Marlo's. Did she still have a chance?

When she arrived at his room she took a few deep breaths to compose herself, opened the door, and walked to the foot of his bed. As she finally set eyes on him after the 5 excruciating days apart she couldn't help but smile. He was sitting to one side, one foot on the floor and the other knee pulled up to his chest. His eyes were closed as he stretched with a look of determination stoically etched on on his face. His strong jaw clenched tight and his brow slightly furrowed. He looked like an Adonis. Her heart skipped a beat as she almost forgot why she was there, she just wanted to stare.

After a moment of really just taking him in, she finally cleared her throat. As Sam turned to look at her she couldn't read his face, not sure if he was pissed, in pain, or just in shock that she had the nerve to show up again. "Hi," her voice broke the silence sheepishly, "I uh. I know you don't want me to be here, but I thought you might need some fresh clothes. It's mostly sweats and T shirts, comfy Stuff that won't pull at your stitches. Luke couldn't wear jeans for weeks..." Her voice trailed as she rambled endlessly, not really knowing what to say. "I put a pair in there though, just in case. Oh, and some bathroom stuff, I know the stuff here is awful"

He smirked and turned in his bed so he was resting against the pillows. "So is that why your here, to make sure I don't smell like the hospital? " He asked in a playful tone, trying to figure out where to start. As he searched for words he remembered the day she sat in his truck and told him she loved him- it felt just like this. He was giddy just to see her face again, but he had never been one to find the right words to express himself. So he just stared, taken in her soft features that seemed to be sunken in since he last saw her in his dreams, he wondered if she had been sleeping at all, wondered why she chose today to come back, there were so many questions but he just stared.

She smiled, he was alive and healing, back to the witty man she had fallen in love with instead of the broken man they had wheeled out of the station the week before. She had a slight blush from the thoughts racing through her mind, "You caught me," she lifted her hands in the air as if surrendering, "am I under arrest detective?" The look in her eyes telling him there was something more. But she wasn't about to admit that was the exact reason she went to his house; to feel like a part of his life, to smell his aftershave, to step into his closet and feel like he was there with him.

She let out a slight giggle that cut straight to his heart, God how he missed her. He couldn't stand it anymore, the last 6 days had been an Andy marathon in his head, and the last 24 hours he had been mulling over how he might still have a chance; what he needed to say to get it. Oliver's words had been ringing in his ears. How to start?

"How's Collins?" Not like that idiot! He cringed as the words escaped his mouth, changing the mood instantly"I mean, he, ah, he killed Ford right? Is he back to work?" He was trying to get away from the subject, but the words just fumbled out of his mouth.

There was a tinge of shock that escaped Andy's eyes, she looked down for a moment as she realized she had been so caught up in her own non-sense that she never even considered how he was feeling. A shiver ran up her spine as she thought back to the night of the black out and how she had fallen apart after shooting the pedifile in the basement of the rec center. Some friend she was...

Her voice cracked, "I don't know, I haven't talked to him since Friday." She felt terrible, but that acknowledgement brought a new found courage to Sam, he was ready to be bold and to say everything he had been letting marinate in his head.

"Andy," he cut her off sounding breathless, "Marlo is gone."

She misinterpreted what he was saying, thinking he meant from 15 division instead of meaning out of his life all together. "I know," she whispered, "I saw her letter of resignation."

He was slightly caught off guard, "her what?" A flash of confusion passed his eyes, "I thought she was going to try to transfer..." After a moment of contemplation, mulling over what Andy had just said, he realized he wasn't talking and looked back into her eyes,"I meant she's gone out of Toronto, out of my life, we broke up. It had been coming for weeks, I realized I was fighting to keep us together not because I loved her, but because I didn't want to give up without a fight the way I did with you." His mind was ready to say it all, but as his thoughts rambled on frantically his mouth stayed shut, he may have thought he was a expressing himself but his feelings remained trapped inside... '_That was the biggest mistake of my life, a regret that haunts me, I never wanted to let you go, can't imagine my life without you. But these last few weeks seeing you happy, with Him, I knew she could never fill the hole in my heart, never mend the break the happened in your absence. That's why I was leaving, it was like torture to be so close to you yet not be able to really be with you.' _His words had made it to the tip of his tongue but where they should have been voiced, an awkward silence had taken over the room instead.

She looked away not really knowing what to say. She had misjudged him, assumed he had moved on. If she couldn't trust him enough to have even asked about Marlo a week ago, how could they really be together, have their happily ever after? A slight chuckle escaped her lips, "I guess we are both single then-"

She was cut off by the theme song from Jaws, the sound emanating from her pocket. Sam let out a scoff as Andy jumped at the noise. This was the new ringer she set specifically for Luke, Frank, and the station- she wasn't about to get caught again not answering her phone.

He was a mess of confusion; amused by the ring tone, annoyed by the interruption, desperately wanting to know what she would say next, and concerned by the one sided conversation he was now intently ease dropping on.

"Sir?... She had a cancelation for this afternoon? In 25 minutes? Yes, I can be there then... Room A151 yeah I remember... Thank you, yes. Goodbye Sir."

"What the hell was that about McNally?" He had been covered in a mask of confusion as she seemingly chose to do something for work while obviously off duty. Would she ever just choose him?

She was a bit flustered at this point and answered without thinking to filter the information. "Oh that, nothing, it's just the terms of my suspension- and if I don't answer my phone when Frank calls I thinks it's safe to say Ill be screwed. He was just telling me my first session with Dr Dwyer got moved up to today, I have to go a couple times a week until further notice." Though the words came out at an alarming speed, it was surprising even to her how nonchalantly she had said them, her cool even tone making it clear that her job was finally playing second fiddle to her relationship with Sam. She hadn't hidden a thing either, it felt nice to be so open and honest with him again.

He looked at her in utter amazement- "your what?"

"Oh, yeah, that, I was going to tell you, I got suspended, 1 month, maybe more."

He opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off, "Don't look at me like that, I knew what I was getting into covering for Cruz; I got off easy. Once Dr Dwyer clears me I'm back on duty, how long is your suspension?

"My what?" He said a little louder than he intended, still reeling from the guilt of getting her suspended.

"Crap, they didn't tell you yet? I should go before I spill ALL the beans." She turned to leave, took one step, and swung back around, eyes wide. As she walked closer to him she pulled keys from her pocket and said,"almost forgot to give you these- I hope your not mad, but they just got released from evidence and I used them to get your clothe... And kinda used your truck too." She held out the keys so he could grab them, not wanting to make eye contact.

Since she wasn't looking, she missed his grin. It felt right for her to have his keys. Suddenly, the memory of him asking for them back haunting him, 'how could I be such an ass' he thought to himself as he spoke without thinking, "keep 'em, I'm not going to be driving anytime soon, and it's too cold for you to be walking everywhere."

Her head snapped up, smile on her face, her eyes glistening with tears that she had held back from falling. There was hope, that truck was his baby and if he was trusting her with the keys again, he must still love her even if he wasn't ready to admit it. Not wanting to give him the chance to rethink it, she quickly brought the keys to her pocket and eked out a , "thanks. There ah, was one more thing I have for you." He really hoped it was a kiss and looked a little disappointed as she reached into her coat.

She grabbed his hand, sending goosebumps up his arm, and gently placed the small, cold object in it. She let go of his hand and looked to the ground, she didn't dare look at his face as he recognized the item, afraid of his reaction.

Turning to run out of the room she called back, "I'm sorry but I really have to go, can't be late for this. I'll come back later, bring you some dinner."

Frustrated at seeing Andy run away yet again, this time literally with a runners pace, Sam huffed, wondering if things really could change back to be like when they were happy, to be like before Jerry... At that he finally looked at what he was holding, his pocket watch, and his face went blank as the memories flooded in.

**AN- I am working on some stuff right now with Dr Dwyer and I need your input- what questions do you want answered? This can be for any session, Sam, Andy, or joint. Please drop me a message or put suggestions/questions in the review box below.**

**thank you again for your support, I hope you are liking it!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN- sorry it has taken so long to update, I was out of town without a power cord. As always, I really appreciate your critiques and suggestions. Please review at the bottom!**

Chapter 11

Sam was stoically starring at the polished watch in his left hand. He had been for hours, carefully running his fingers from his right hand over the inscription, To The Good Times.

Every time he looked at that watch the pain and emotions settled in his chest, making it hard to breath for just a moment. But it was no secret that Sam wasn't one for sharing his feelings, so this was his way of letting them go, of dealing with the pain. He was used to the paralyzingly guilt that would would come over him like a wave, hitting hard and then washing away a moment later. Today though today it was different.

Something about the possibility have another chance with Andy made the pain more captivating, the memories connected to THE GOOD TIMES more lingering.

Nash had caught him starring at it several times after he had switched to the Ds rotation and had told him that it was sweet that he still carried it. She reminded him that it wasn't his fault, that as much as she missed Jerry, she couldn't imagine how he could have had a more meaningful end. That was the last time he had lost himself in the watch for almost 7 months, with one exception. The day of the Ross Perret copy cat kidnapping. Going through that all again, being partnered with Andy every step of the way, turning her into his personal punching bag yet again- it was enough to make Sam want to rip his heart out.

Then there was today, and it all came flooding back. He was remembering that now, feeling guilty that he couldn't save him, feeling guilty that Tracy felt bad for HIM when he should be supporting her, feeling guilty that he failed as the best man, not actually getting Jerry to the alter. Most of all though, he was feeling guilty that when he thought about the good times he had lost, it wasn't even about Jerry, not today.

The good times were waking up next to Andy, her sprawled over him like he was a pillow. They were the moments that she told him she loved him, and that he showed her the same. The nights of passion that sent them racing home after a long shift, holding her hand as he walked her to his car, and their surprise visits to one another in the locker rooms. Those were the good times he was missing now, and the guilt he was feeling was about letting them go.

He had been a coward. He was hurting, that's true, and when Tracy read Jerry's wedding speech, knowing that Jerry had trusted him with his life broke him a little more, sent him over the edge. He had taken it out on HER. He left her in the rain, blamed her for what happened, treated her so coldly because he didn't know how to cope. Because he was too proud to really tell her how he felt, too scared that his forever with Andy would end the same way Tracy's did with Jerry, he lost everything. His good times were gone; no longer possible in the future and twisted into torturous memories from the past.

Now sitting in his hospital bed, hoping for another shot at good times, holding this watch was too much. A week ago both him and Andy had been shot, though her bullet merely grazed her clothes. It was the close call he feared, the thought of losing her, or leaving her behind. But this time apart made him realize that he would rather die in her arms than live another moment without her by his side. It no longer just stood for his past mistakes, but made him fear for his future mistakes as well.

When Andy walked in his room, his eyes were hollow, he was encompassed in the pocket watch and the memories it had locked inside. She let out a soft, "hi" as she made her way to his bedside table, unloading the food she had brought him for dinner. But he didn't seem to notice, he stayed entranced on the watch.

She gently touched his arm, "Sam?." He seemed startled, set the watch into the pocket of his sweats, and looked toward the food, not making eye contact. He was still in his own little world, his waking nightmare made up of the happy memories he missed and the bad ones that made the whole mess his fault. How could he talk to her now? What could he say to make up for all of that, to get his second chance?

He couldn't do it. Not today. So small talk it is, maybe if he can just make small talk, not work related small talk, they could eventually talk about this. "Hey, uh, thanks," he mustered out, nodding to the soup and full box of crackers now sitting next to him. He closed his eyes for a second and pulled himself up to a more upright position suitable for eating.

She watched him silently, continuing to fiddle with the food, getting him out a spoon and rolling the tray table over the side of the bed. This was awkward.

Dr Dwyer's words were lingering in her mind, making her second guess herself.  
"I'm not here to tell you what to do Andy, but let me just leave you with one last question. Based on how said he reacted when Detective Barber was stabbed, and again when you had to disarm the grenade- do you really think now is the time talk to Sam about a relationship?"

"So, um, it's loaded baked potato and I know you like to dip your crackers, so I got you a few extra," she eyed the box and they both let out a chuckle. "Is there anything else you need? I was going to run some errands and come back for visiting hours in the morning. Any breakfast requests? I could make muffins?" Her words were quick and starting to be higher pitched, mostly because she was holding her breath the whole time she spoke, trying to stay focused. This conversation needed to be subtle, not pushy. She didn't want to force Sam into talking about his feelings, didn't want to overwhelm him with hers, and she didn't want to remind him of work or either of there suspensions. She desperately wanted to be there with him, this was the only time in the last week she felt like she had any purpose at all, but she didn't want to push him, not again.

"Breathe McNally," he replied, "where's the fire?" His stifled laugh gave her a glimpse of his dimples and she melted a little right then and there. "There's enough here for me to eat for days. Stay?" His eyes smoldered and her heart sank at the simple, quiet question.

"Yeah, I love this soup," as she pulled up her chair and pulled out another plastic spoon she snorted out, "besides, if you choke on a bacon bit you'll need someone to call the hambulance." She laughed as he smirked at her and the awkwardness was gone.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12-

It had been 2 weeks since Sam had asked Andy to stay, and she was sticking to her yes. She was at the hospital everyday for all three meals, helping him with his physical therapy, and offering herself as a human walker during his daily laps around the nurses station. She was really only home long enough each day to sleep, shower, and maybe cook for Sam, though most of his meals we're take out, and their fellow officers were dropping food by the hospital at regular intervals.

Somehow they had managed to keep their conversations over the last 2 weeks light. Talking about the bad movies playing on the hospital tvs, the bad jokes Oliver told while he was there, and whether or not Andy was planning on eating all of the chocolates that had been delivered with the get well cards. That and a LOT of poker. They managed to avoid the sticky subjects, namely the terms of their suspensions, the idea of a relationship between them, Nick, and  
Marlo. They had successfully become friends again, like before they had gone UC and hooked up as JD and Candice. It felt right.

While she spent most of her time with Sam, she had also returned to life among the living, spending time with her friends as they came and went from the hospital, visiting Dov and Chloe upstairs, and had caught up with each and every missed call and message from the week she went AWOL. Well, every message accept those left by Nick. She had simply replied, via text, "you are one of my best friends, I love you like a brother and trust you with my life, talk soon?" Dr Dwyer had warned her she would probably need to have that conversation before talking to Sam about any sort of future they may have, and definitely before being cleared to go back to work, but she wasn't ready.

Tonight though, Sam's appointment with the good Doctor got switched to 7pm, so he insisted she join Tracy for a girls night. Not surprisingly, Tracy wanted to meet up at the Penny and once they had arrived, it was hard to leave. Chris had convinced Dov to come out for the night, Steve was their with Gail, trying to get to know Holly a bit more, and Oliver was there with Celery. After her third beer, Andy excused herself to the restroom and when she came back her heart sank. Nick had arrived to have a quick drink and catch up a bit with Dov.

'Alright McNally, no time like the present' she told herself as she walked over and tapped on his shoulder, "hey, can we talk?"- As he turned to look at her his eyes seemed sad and a little shocked. He barely shook his head in refusal and threw back the shot in front of him as quickly as possible. But she wasn't really asking, not this time.

The next thing he knew, Andy had firmly grabbed him by the forearm and was dragging him out the door.

"Andy! I can't do this right now okay." He hollered a little louder than expected as he pulled his arm from his grip after reaching the parking lot.

"No, you said you would always be there for me, you were supposed to be the one I didn't have to worry about leaving me in the rain!"

"I didn't leave you Andy, I let you go, let you choose. I want you to be happy, but how is it fair for me to have to watch you be happy with him? I spent almost a year hearing about you and Sam, being your emotional surrogate. I can't do it anymore  
Andy. I can't play second fiddle to Sam Swarek. I don't want you to love me as a brother," his voice cracked a moment, "I want to be the one you desire, not the consolation prize. The man in your life, not the girlfriend you gossip with."

"Nick!" She huffed, feeling half frustrated and half self deprecating, as she still hadn't even checked on how he was after shooting Kevin Ford- she was asking him to be a good friend without returning the favor.

Her voice broke as the words spilled out before her brain could filter."okay, listen. I'm not asking you to be okay with me trying to work things out with Sam, but I love him and until I figure this out it's not fair to you. I told you the night that Christian was taken that our friendship come first, but it had been an emotional day and you were there, wanting me. Your attractive and I love you, it seemed like the perfect solution, but Nick, we were together as a couple less than 2 months, and friends for almost 2 years before that. I'm not asking you to forgive and forget, I guess for now all I'm asking is that we can work together, be partners, keep that trust. We went through way too much under cover to throw that all away." She cringed just for a second, needing a second breath to finish her sentence when she mentioned the drama from under cover, and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Are you saying we're even? You broke my heart and that makes up for me aiming an UNLOADED gun at you?" He didn't mean to yell, but the words just kept getting louder, and Andy's jaw dropped at the mention of the gun.

"You know what Nick, I can't do this right now, I will be happy to sit in a squad car with you all day ignoring the elephant in the room, talking strictly business. I never wanted to hurt you and if we keep up this conversation I can't guarantee that we will leave unscathed. So I propose a time out- I'm going to go say goodbye and then go home, I have to be at the hospital early tomorrow anyway and they will all understand. You can stay or leave, I don't really care. I will see you in a couple weeks, until then, text me if you come up to a solution for our communication problem."

He wanted to agree and move on so badly, to not lash out, but he had more to drink than she had seen, and he wasn't mentally prepared for this when he arrived to the Penny after a tough shift. "Couple of weeks Andy? Do you have to put so much time between us because you can't hide your true feelings? Or is it too much for Swarek to handle, you leaning on someone who will actually be there for you! " yeah, the shots were definitely doing the talking now.

Without thinking she snapped back, "Actually, Sam and I haven't discussed you at all, or the possibility of an "us" if you must know. I told you the truth because it wasn't fair to you- it's very clear that no matter what happens with Sam, I don't belong with you. I was hoping we could be civil on the job at least, but I don't see that happening anymore. Maybe a couple of weeks will be enough, maybe not- chances are I'll have desk duty for a while when I get off suspension so maybe We'll have even more time to get used to each other before spending all day in a cruiser again."

She hadn't told anyone about her suspension except Tracy, just went with the medical leave story.

"He got you suspended?" His voice accusing and cold

"No, I got myself suspended, it was my choice, just like it is my choice to follow my heart for once and not let the fear of 'what if' stop me." He looked hurt, confused, angry, and a bit defeated as she continued. "My choice now is to go to bed so I can be with Sam in the morning." Her voice was cold and decisive, if she was trying to spare his feeling when the conversation started, it wasn't showing anymore. She turned and walked into the bar to grab her things.

He just stood there, taking deep breathes, remembering the things that made him fall in love with her. Remembering the conversations, the jokes, the trust they had built. It hurt him to think about it too much, knowing that most of these memories were either from before or during there UC assignment and if I he thought back to what she was actually saying, it was all Sam all the time. She wasn't telling him anything new tonight, he was just finally hearing it, no longer plugging his ears with his heart and hoping for the best.

Less than 2 minutes later Andy walked out the door and passed him without a word, and drove off in Sam's truck. Nick hadn't noticed the truck earlier, but it was like the final nail in the coffin she had placed his heart in. He knew how much the keys to the truck meant to Andy when she was with Sam, and how much it hurt her when he asked for them back- her driving that truck suddenly made this all real, Andy and Sam were all in and now he needed to step down. But first, a few more drinks...


	13. Chapter 13 (really this time)

**AN- thank you all for the support and the reviews. This chapter takes place during the same evening as the last chapter, but it is finally a session with Dr Dwyer, I know you have been looking forward to one of these!**

**Please continue to review and make suggestions, I have really enjoyed working in suggestions!**

Chapter 13

Sam was brooding now, fiddling with his left ring finger. 'I can't believe I told her to go out with Tracy instead of having dinner with me- she's only been gone a few hours, how do I miss so much already? What about when I get out of this place tomorrow, will she still be with me everyday?' His inner monologue was distracting him from the task at hand.

"Sam? Sam?" She was now snapping her fingers in front of him and her voice became stern, "Detective Swarek," he finally looked up, "If you are going to continue to stare at your hand and ignore me all night you might as well leave and not waste time. Either way I will see you again in a few days, and I will keep seeing you until you start answering the questions, I can't clear you without answers."

He cracked his knuckles and put his hands in his pockets, "I, uh, sorry, what was the question again?"

"I asked if you have told anyone that you are being released for the hospital, if you have help for when you go home. But that was ten minutes ago and not important in terms of being able to clear you for duty, so let's get into the important ones, shall we?"

"Yeah, sure- and no by the way, I was going to tell Andy tomorrow once I got discharged." He didn't know why he was explaining, he felt like he had just gotten in trouble with the school principle.

"Why did you cover for officer Cruz when you found out she had been stalking Mr. Ford?" Dr Dwyer was done beating around the bush, and as such a direct question came out of her mouth Sam was caught off guard.

"What makes you think I covered for Cruz, Callahan showed me the report, NO ONE knew what she was up to until the evidence was found in her basement."

"Detective, can we just cut the crap and be honest here, off the record" her bluntness yet again captured his attention as he nodded, his mouth slightly open in shock. "I know what the report says, puts everything on officer Cruz and her mental illness, and that's how Cruz wrote the statement. But I also know the truth- I know McNally knew she was bipolar for months but covered for her, that she changed the log books regarding searching Kevin Ford's house, and that you already knew all this- so let's try again. Why did you cover for officer Cruz?"

He had Tensed during speech, but he didn't answer until after she offered an answer for him by asking, "Did you cover for her because you were dating at the time?"

"No, that had nothing to do with it. She's a cop and she was innocent." Dr Dwyer lifted an eyebrow as if to say she was in fact guilty, but he corrected himself before she had the chance, "she wasn't the one who assaulted Kevin Ford and I knew that if we let it come out that she had been doing extra surveillance, that she had a confrontation with him, that the investigation would turn towards her and we would have never found the man that actually attacked Ford."

"You said 'we' when explaining your actions- who is we?" When Sam sighed and avoided eye contact she continued,"Is 'we' you and officer McNally?"

He was now rigid and stiff, still refusing to answer.

"Very well, If 'we' doesn't include officer McNally, why did you ask her to change the log book entry?"

He was flush now, his eyes glaring, but after two minutes Dr Dwyer was still staring right back at him, waiting for an answer. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes while pinching he nasal arch for a moment, and then launched into his answer, which was surprisingly honest. "She's my partner, you always have your partners back and there is no one in the world I trust more than her, she was the only one I COULD ask."

"You say she "is" your partner, but at the time you were a detective, she was a patrol officer, and you were dating Marlo Cruz, not Officer McNally correct?" He nodded and raised an eyebrow, knowing there was more to the question. "Then why say 'is,' she wasn't your partner anymore."

"Yes, she IS my partner. Before I got partnered with her 4 years ago  
I was a UC guy, always changing teams, always becoming someone new, never trusting anyone. Before McNally had my back on our first day riding together, even though it was off book and she walked into a death trap to save me, I was never anyone's partner. Sure, I'm a part of the 15 family, and I would trust anyone of the coppers I went to the academy with with my life- but I was never their partner. Until that day I wasn't invested in my work on Patrol, I was about UCs and poker night, and that's about it." His voice was intense and his eyes dark, when he stopped talking he looked uneasy, as if he had said too much.

Dr Dwyer just sat back in her chair, pen against her lips instead of taking notes, as she leaned forward to write something she mumbled to herself, "now we're getting somewhere."

Sam shifted uncomfortably and a moment later Dr Dwyer looked up again and asked, "So if she IS your partner, why were you leaving the station the night of the shooting?"

This was Sam's 6th session with the good Dr at this point, and about the 20th time he had heard this question, but this time, sticking to his 'partner' logic, he answered. "As a cop, you protect your partner at all costs, the best way to protect her was to leave, to let her be happy, to let her be safe."

"And your not safe?"

"I walked away, I screwed it up over and over again, I hurt her. I can't risk doing it again- I can't gain back that trust."

"Do you want to?"

...

**AN- How was the session? Was there something I missed? There will be more with the Dr in future chapters- sorry the chapter was pretty short, the next one is longer. Please review in the box below and let me know what you think**.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN- THANK YOU all for the continued support- follows, faves, and definitely the reviews. I really appreciate the encouragement, ideas, and critiques- as  
I mentioned before this is my first fan fic ever and you all have made it a truly wonderful experience for me.**

**And just so nobody gets confused, this chapter has a flashback, it will be in italics. Text messages in bold.**

**Im sorry the last chapter was so short, I'm hoping this longer one will make up for it bit.**

Chapter 14

"How was girls night?" He asked quietly, guessing by the way she was walking that she may be a little hung over.

"Uh, it was okay."

"Just okay? Did you forget how to drink McNally?"

"No, it was really fun actually, it just wasn't a girls night. Everyone was there, we had a good time."

"Then why just okay?"

"Well, because it started off great. Oliver was there with Celery, which I really do like her by the way, and he's like a kid in a candy store around her. Dov came out for the first time since he's been back at work. Gail officially introduced us to her girlfriend- you know Holly right? She went with Gail to Franks wedding and she works in the forensics lab- well, yeah, there not just friends anymore apparently."

His jaw dropped a little as he smirked and raised his right eyebrow, "Peck switched teams?" A strange sense of amusement had enveloped him, he wasn't one for gossip, but this news almost turned him into a giddy school girl for a second. He continued with a stifled chuckle, "How does this turn into an okay night?"

"Well, the problem was that EVERYONE was there. Nick showed up while I was in the bathroom- I tried to talk to him, make sure we were fine to work together, kind of a homework assignment from Dwyer..." She let the last word hang a bit as she bit her bottom lip and winced a little at the mention of her therapy session, not really wanting to get into that at the moment.

"Yeah, I have a few of those too, homework assignments I mean." He paused for a moment as he thought of the 'challenges' the Dr had placed in front of him the past few weeks. Some little, some big, one that he hadn't expected to turn out so surprisingly- obviously Dr Dwyer really did know everything. He got lost in his mind remembering the first task he had checked off that list.

_::flashback::_

_As Callahan walked into his hospital room, it seemed like the perfect time to appease Dr Dwyer and clear the air. The idea was to thank him for having his back, somehow she thought by expressing his gratitude Sam would understand that he doesn't have to control every situation, that if he faltered other people would pick up the slack. So he politely got through his conversation with Luke, signed off his official statement (that Luke had deeply edited), and just as Callahan was headed for the door Sam manned up and stopped him.  
"Hey, ah, Luke..." He somewhat stumbled over the name, normally he would call him Callahan to his face, a few other choice names behind his back, there was clearly no love lost between these two men, as Luke turned to look at him confused, also shocked by the use of his first name. "I, uh, I just need to thank you. Right now I know you took a big risk to have my back in all of this. After what McNally told you-" Luke had become noticeably rigid at the mention of Andy and couldn't stop the quip from coming out of his mouth, "if I could have saved Andy's job and left you to hang I would've."_

_Sam stared for a moment, wide eyed and jaw dropped, of course it was all still about Andy!_

_Luke just glared at the floor, he knew he shouldn't have said it, but when he walked in the room he smelled her, she had been there that day. He was jealous that Andy still obviously cared about Sam so much, they had been apart a year and he had a new girlfriend yet she was willing to sacrifice her career for him and it made Luke sick. He knew the joint therapy session would push them together, but that wasn't his goal. Actually, that was part of the concessions he had to make to Frank in order to get him to go along with the cover up that left Andy and Sam out of Marlo's bipolar mess. He was somehow hoping that giving her the UC assignment would have given him a way in with her when she got back, that her choosing the UC over Sam that day in the hall meant he had a chance, but he had been kidding himself and he knew it now.  
He was cursing himself for saying it, but the cat was out of the bag now and he didn't see a solution, so he figured getting out of the room directly as possible was the only option. "So yeah, don't thank me, just don't screw up again." He turned to walk out the door but Sam had regained his ability to speak and called out to him._

_"Andy huh? It's always going to be about her. I don't blame you. This has been all about her this whole time. Marlo was me trying to move on, lying to myself that I could be happy without out. I know you get it. And honestly, I'm sorry about the night of the black out. I've been drawn to her since the first day I rode with her as he TO and you were right, I was having all the luck, getting to ride with her every day wasn't just a coincidence- but I wasn't trying to steal her from you. I actually thought I wanted her to be with you. I thought she was happy and I thought you were a better man for her." Wow! Was he really saying all this to him? Did Dr Dwyer put some sort of emotional truth serum in his tea this morning? "I even waited after you guys broke up, I didn't want to rush her, and then we ran into each other UC and I knew I just couldn't hold back anymore."_

_It was obvious that Luke was not wanting a play by play by the nauseated grimace he had plastered on his face. But Sam continued, "then I got the best year of my life up until the point when I screwed it all up- but even then you were willing to sacrifice for her, willing to try and get me to pull my head out of my ass. I didn't listen and I lost her to the UC and tried to move on. I was pissed that you picked her, but I get it now..." He looked up and saw Luke turning a shade of green while his brow furrowed, he needed to wrap this up. "I guess I'm really just saying thank you. Thank you for allowing me to have my shot at happiness even though it was at your own expense, thank you for always having her back," he gulped as he remembered the storage unit she would have died I if not for Luke, "for saving her when I put her at risk, for being the better man- for giving me this one last chance to make it right. Seriously Luke, you saved my ass with this, my job which I do appreciate, but really, you saved her when I couldn't. Her job is everything and you could have sent this through the system and it would be my fault whatever punishment came..."_

_Sam just could not stop talking, At this point even Luke was questioning if he had too much morphine. He had to interrupt, he couldn't take this 'butterfly's and rainbows' version of Swarek for another second._

_"Look, I shouldn't have said that. You we're always there when I wasn't, when I had my head up my ass with her you tried to set me straight, and then I really blew it. I still love her. I hoped that giving her Dakota would have put distance between you, maybe got me another shot, but you were the one she called when she got in trouble, the one she trusted to have her back. I owed you one for saving her, owed her one for putting her in that situation, and this was it. I don't like you Swarek, we were never buddies and we never will be, so you get a pass this time because of her. But I'm trying to stay out of this. Once you come back to 15 I'm gone again. You getting Andy out of this was not my end game, I assure you, but I'm big enough to walk away without a fight- I mean I am a detective, I haven't been blind to how she has felt about you for the last 4 years. So, I'm going to go back to work and try to move on and we're never gonna talk about this again- sound good?"_

_Sam just nodded, finally he croaked out, "got it Callahan." And with that Luke slipped out the door and Sam felt this odd feeling of relief wash over him, like he was weightless, considering how much he had just shared with his foe of several years, he felt good. Maybe Dr Dwyer knew what she was doing after all. He would have to actually do these little assignments and see what happened._

_::end flashback::_

Sam's eyes had glassed over, he was obviously deep in thought. Andy was afraid she had pushed him into thinking about her and Nick as a couple and tried to snap him out of it, the last time he saw them together he had tried to walk out of her life and ended up here, she couldn't take that again, she had to snap him out of it. She lightly shook him by the shoulder, "eh, Sam, you in there?"

Her touch sent a shill down his spine and snapped him back into reality. "Yeah... Uh... So what happened... With Collins I mean."

Andy huffed, afraid she may have opened a can of words, but continued "Well he was in a pissy mood, and ignored me, but I pulled him outside anyway, I just needed to get it over with. We ended up fighting, he said some things that pissed me off, and I left a few minutes later."

"I probably would have been pissy too," Andy glared, where was this sympathy coming from? "If I showed up to hang out with my friends to find out my ex became a lesbian after our breakup, I'd probably just want to drink, not talk to my other ex."

"Crap, I didn't think about that- hey, when did you become such an expert on people's feelings? Dwyer get you to a 'break thru' last night?"

Sam smirked a little thinking about Luke again, maybe she did a little, but he certainly wasn't going to admit it. "McNally, I'm a detective. And we agreed we weren't talking about Dwyer until next week when we go to that joint session. But, since you brought it up I need help with my homework... I need you to drive me to the station."

"Sure, okay," she stumbled over the words, she was a little confused, "but I'm not sneaking you out." Her slight chuckle turned to a silent gaping smile as he told her,"No breakout required, I'm getting sprung this morning, I'm all ready and packed up, just waiting for my discharge papers and my pills."

"Sam!" She jumped to hug him. But as she hugged him her delight turned to worry, she just figured out how they work in the hospital, what will it be like at home? She couldn't think about that, so she took action instead, "okay, I'll get all this stuff in your truck, once I'm done I'll take you home and then walk back to my place."

"McNally, you can't just drop me and ditch me- I'm not allowed to drive. You have to keep the truck for a few more days and drive me around." His voice was whiney in the sweetest way. He should have just said he didn't want her to leave his side, but he chickened out, when she said she would walk home it drove him nuts. He just wanted to tell her that he never wanted her to go home, wanted to spend every minute together and make up for lost time. He smiled at her smugly, enjoying the view as she bent to pick up his gifts and began to walk out.

She smiled as she walked out carrying a couple balloons and a bouquet while fiddling with her phone in the other hand; he was still going to need her at home, she liked the sound of that.

...

Nick woke up hungover and feeling stupid. He wanted so desperately to be the better man, but the more he wanted it the more he acted like an ass. Why did he have to fall in love with his best friend, he felt like he ruined everything.

He sat up rubbing his forehead, looking for his phone to check whatever message had woken him up. He sighed as he saw it was from Andy. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to read it, but he had always been the type of guy that just pulled the bandaid off quick, so he opened it.

**"Nick, I'm sorry for storming out on you- I can see now you were just being a good break up buddy, trying to keep me from making the same mistakes. Thank you, but I love him and the only mistake I can't risk making at this point is to not try. Now read this aloud- 'I Nick Collins am a kickass person! and just because my relationships failed does not mean I am a failure.' And your not unlovable either Nick, we just need to find you a girl who isn't hung up on another guy or a lesbian. ;-) Friends?"**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Sam and Andy went straight to the station after leaving the hospital. When Sam told her that's where he wanted to go she was going to argue, going to suggest that he get settled at home first. But she knew him, he had been in the hospital for 3 weeks the last thing he wanted right now was to rest.

When they arrived he told her he might be awhile, but she wasn't planning on leaving, so she just told him she needed to talk to Frank anyway about finishing up her leave. Dr Dwyer had told her she could go down to once a week sessions until she was cleared with the joint session next week, and as long as that goes well she would be recommending that she return to duty, even though it hadn't yet been a month.

As they walked down the hall it seemed too quiet. Andy looked up at  
Frank's office and he wasn't there. She looked down at her watch and then over to Sam, who had done the same thing. As their eyes met the spoke in-sync, "parade." They shrugged and continued walking, that's where Sam was headed anyway, and Andy needed Frank, so why not.

As they got closer to the door they could hear Frank wrapping up:

"So if you have any questions see detective Callahan. Before you go, I have a few updates from the hospital. Price is up and around, the paralysis on her left side is looking to be temporary. She can now have visitors and Epstein has her schedule so you can check with him to see when she we be available. Swarek will be released tonight and it will be another 2-4 weeks before we see him around here again."

"That long huh?" The question was asked in a dry tone with a chuckle.

Frank looked to the back of the room with a slight grimace, not expecting the question and not placing the voice right away. But Frank wasn't the only one, the entire group had turned to see who was at the door.

When the cheers broke out and the staring set in, Andy blushed and stepped back a bit, making way for Oliver to come up between her and Sam.

Frank was now slightly laughing and rolling his eyes, but tried to wrap it up before he lost total control of the room. "Swarek and McNally won't be back on duty for a few weeks, at least, but welcome home you two. Serve, protect, and save the remenessing until after shift."

As the officers piled out of the room a few patted Sam on the shoulder, others hugged Andy. Oliver grabbed Andy with his arm around her neck, his elbow pulling her into a headlock as he laughed in her ear, "you couldn't keep him away for a minute could you?" She shrugged and he winked as he walked away to say something to Sam.

"McNally," Frank was now by the door, "we could have talked on the phone, no reason to drag his sorry butt down here." He smiled as he motioned over over his shoulder at Sam.

She lifted her eyes as if to feign innocence, "he dragged me, said he had to take care of something- I'm just the driver, where we go is up to Miss Daisy." She chuckled and Frank couldn't help but smile.

"Okay McNally, Meet me in my office, I'll be up when I'm done with him."

She nodded in agreement and started to walk down the hall when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned to see it was Nick. He offered her a coffee and motioned to the front, "I'm on desk today, hangover assignment... Can we talk a minute?"

She followed him and leaned against the desk facing Frank's office, "I have to meet Frank up there in a few, so I'm good to talk until he gets there- will that work?"

"Yeah, I uh, just wanted to apologize. I got your text this morning. I'm happy for you Andy, I want you to be happy. I still want to hang out at the Penny and be okay at work- I was going to call, but I didn't know what to as yet. I know I was an ass last night, I just don't want to see you get hurt and I do want to be your friend. I just don't want to be your break-up buddy again."

She pushed herself off of the counter she was leaning on and hugged him before he had a chance to react. Her arms wrapping around his so he had no chance to hug her back. She leaned in and whispered, "I don't want you to be my break up buddy either, but I will be yours- just promise you won't join the army again." As he started to nod a smile started to form on her lips and she saw Frank out of the corner of her eye. "Uh, I gotta go, call me later-" and she was out of the room and up the stairs to Frank's office in the blink of an eye.

**AN- sorry this was short, I am wrapping things up, got some big projects to do and can't focus on this at the moment. The next chapter will be up in the next day or two, it is much longer- joint session between Sam and Andy. Please make sure you let me know if anything still needs to be resolved in this story as I want to make sure it is truely complete before I mark in done.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

When Sam entered the woman's locker room he sighed as he realized Andy wasn't there. He sat next to her locker and pulled out his phone. It seemed so natural to be in there waiting for her. He remembered the last time he had been in there it was months ago and his conversation with Andy had gotten cut short by Marlo. Hmm, Marlo... As he thought over all the times he had been in the women's locker room he wondered how many times it had been to see Marlo, he couldn't even think of which locker was hers. He thought back to the dozens of times he had gone in there to get Andy when they were dating, to the times when she, or both of them, were going undercover, to the day they met and she watched him get undressed while he lectured her. Suddenly he realized there was only one time he went in the locker room while he was dating Marlo. He walked in and apologized to Andy for being an ass the day of the Ross Perrick copy cat, then proceeded to make small talk. Then when Marlo did come in he left- he had honestly never gone into this locker room without searching out Andy in not only the last for years, but throughout his entire 14 years at 15 division._ "How could I lead Marlo on like that? How could I lie to myself for so long?"_ He wondered to himself. But he was pulled out of his thoughts by a text from Andy.

**"Yeah, I'm ready if you are, meet me at the truck?"**

He quickly typed back "On my way" and got up to leave the locker room, shaking his head yet again at the thought of Marlo, knowing full well he had never let her drive his truck.

...

The car ride from the hospital to the station had only been a few minutes of peaceful silence. Both were smiling and it seemed like they had no cares in the world, but after spending a few hours at the station the drive back to Sam's house was awkward and unnerving.

Andy didn't know what to say, what to do, she wanted to ask what his assignment had been, tell him that she could go back to work if there joint session went well, tell him she and Nick were friends again- but she didn't want to bring up Dwyer or Nick. She was at a loss and the more awkward tension filled the cab, the more nervous she got until she finally just burst, "Sam, you have to say something, you know I'm allergic to silence!"

He started to laugh, but only got as far as a smirk. He rubbed his hands over his face, he had a lot to say but wasn't sure he could say it after bringing all those memories from the station up to the surface. So he just scoffed, "if you don't like the quite put on some music- you changed the pre-sets rations anyway."

She just bit her lip, prayed for the roads to shrink between them and his house, and pushed #4 on the stereo.

...

Once they were at Sam's Andy sent Sam in to rest while cleaned out the car and cleaned his place. It wasn't dirty, but no one had really been there in 3 weeks for more than a few minutes and it needed a good dusting.

There was still something awkward in the air, so Andy happily cleaned out the refrigerator while tasking Sam to make a grocery list, it kept them in separate parts of the house, busy, and they didn't have to talk. As soon as everything was clean told Sam she was heading to the grocery store. Only she didn't.

She went home, took a shower to clear her head, and packed an overnight bag just in case. But she also chickened out of even returning to Sam's that night when Oliver called her.

"Hey Andy, Celery and I were talking about Sam coming home today and, uh, well..."  
"Spit it out Shaw," she said in a sarcastic tone, knowing he was about to insult her as lovingly as possible.  
"Ok, well, you can't cook. Not a decent dinner anyway, I mean, even I'm afraid of stealing your leftovers." He chuckled a bit at himself, "so anyway, Celery and I would like to take over dinner for you guys, I'm not inviting myself to stay, just want to know what time and where to drop it off."  
"Since when do you not invite yourself to dinner?" She paused for a second but continued before he had a chance to get offended, "of coarse you guys can bring dinner, and yourselves too. He is at his house, so anytime is good. I'm just going to the store in a bit."  
"I'm going to pick up Celery and head to the store in about 45 minutes, want to meet us there?"  
"Yeah, that's perfect"

...

When Sam heard the key in the door he couldn't help but smile. He had been sulking on the couch for hours, he thought she would be right back, but he was hoping she took so long because she was planning to stay the night for the next few days. He had been processing through things since the station and he was ready to talk about some of it.

"McNally," he said in his typical sexy Swarek tone, "what took you so long,  
I missed my sexy nurse, didn't have anyone to tuck me in!" He was satisfied with himself that he made a move but could hide behind the sarcasm.

Oliver's jaw dropped, along with a grocery bag or two, and Celery elbowed him in the gut. "I told you to call him before just using the key dumbo!" Celery exclaimed in a hushed tone, just loud enough for Sam to realize he had visitors.

As Sam turned to face them, his jaw locked and eyes narrowed, Oliver tried to take control of the situation, "oh, hey there brother, I uh, brought your groceries and we are making you dinner. McNally told me to wear my French maid outfit when  
I came, but I didn't have time to get it cleaned. Sorry to disappoint. "

Celery looked between the two men in amusement as they both started to chuckle. "Just point me to the kitchen and I'll get started"

Oliver broke his gaze with his friend and ushered his girl and the groceries into the kitchen, coming out to sit with Sam with 2 beers and a couple bottles of water, not sure what he would be drinking at this point.

"Where's McNally?"

"She met us at the grocery store, as we were leaving she gave me your house key and said she had to take care of a few things and she had to see Dwyer, told me she'd come by in the morning to make you breakfast."

"Oh, okay," he was trying not to be angry or disappointed, but Oliver could read him so well after 14 years of friendship that there was no hope of keeping him in the dark. "Hey, I don't want to talk about it, ok? But could you do me a favor?"

"Anything Buddy"

"Can you go get the lockbox out of the floor panel, the one I gave you the keys for as a just in case in UC ops- it hurts to bend like that and I didn't want to tell Andy about it." Oliver's eyes shot open wide as he stood up and walked towards Sam's room. Sam caught the look and quickly added, "I'm not doing anything stupid- I told you I was done with UC after Brennan and I meant it, I just need to put something in there."

Oliver nodded and picked up the pace a bit, he came back with the lock box and the keys that had been lying on the dresser. When he saw that Sam was holding his pocket watch, he gulped. "You putting Jerry in the lock box brother?"

Sam looked defeated, the way he had looked after Andy left for Dakota, "no,  
I'm putting my mistakes in the box, that night in the rain when I broke her heart, the 6 weeks after that I kept my head up my ass and ignored her, and the last few months that I have been flaunting a relationship that I didn't even truly care about so I could try to save face. So I'm putting my past mistakes in and taking my future out."

He had unlocked the box, wrapped up the watch and put it inside, and at this point he pulled out a small velvet box, which Oliver promptly ripped from his hand as if it were a fresh doughnut. As he opened it his mouth gapped open in a smile from ear to ear and his eyes got misty, he tried not too yell but was definitely talking at a higher volume, "Sammy!" And he clapped him on the shoulder, "I don't know what to say, your my best friend but I already have a great girl, I don't think I can marry you," Sam didn't look pleased, "but I think I know an over eager rookie that would love the park on Sundays with the kids, the dog, and you." He winked as he handed back the ring. "When did you get this anyway?"

Sam swallowed hard, "Uh, went to the ring shop with Jerry when he was getting ready for the wedding, had it in my locker from the week before Everything happened until the day I found out She left for UC, then I brought it home and put it in the UC box just in case. I'm not popping the question anytime soon, haven't even talked to her about us, but I'd rather have happiness in my pocket than sadness."

Celery came out of the kitchen with a plate of appetizers and had a tear in her eye. She silently set down the plate, winked at Ollie, and left the room so the boys could continue talking.

Andy had been in her session with Dr Dwyer for half an hour when the guilt of not going to Sam's with Oliver was just too much to handle. Dwyer was mid sentence, explaining that since everything had gone so well this would be there last private session until a week after she was back on duty, and that she was recommending she be reinstated a week early, when Andy pulled out her phone and wrote a text. **'Sorry I won't be there for dinner, I'll be by early tomorrow and figured you could use some time with Ollie, your probably bored of me by now. Call me if you need anything, I'm done with Dwyer at 7:15 and then I can be there at any time, even if it's just to fluff your pillow at 2am... Though you would probably have a cranky nurse...'**  
"Andy?" Dr Dwyer set her hand on Andy's knee, restraining herself from taking the phone out of her hand, from taking back all that she had just said since Andy was demonstrating that she wasn't being as respectful of the process as she had previously assessed.  
Andy shot her head up to meet Dwyer's gaze. Huge smile on her lips with her eyes glistening with unshod tears, "uh, sorry, I uh... We'll, you like honesty right?" Dwyer nodded. "I had to text Sam, let him know I came to this last minute, explain why I wasn't with him for dinner, let him know I'd come whenever he wants or needs. He needs to know I'm not leaving this time." Her cheeks had grown flush as she made her confession.  
"This time?"  
"Yeah, I went away for 3 months when we got suspended. I knew I couldn't stay away from him if I were in Toronto and If my lack of self control got us both kicked off the force, I couldn't forgive myself. I stayed away so we could be together when I got back, figured if I cost him the job he loved he wouldn't want to be around me anyway. Then I left again after we broke up, for the UC op. He told me he loved me and I still walked away. I thought the op was going to be a few weeks, maybe 2 months max, thought we could both use the time to clear our heads. Figured his "I love you" was just because of the heat of the moment, maybe he was trying to comfort me while I was holding a live grenade. I needed time to think- I never thought it would have been 6 months. Then when I got back and I saw him kiss Marlo, I walked away again, didn't hash it out just walked away pissed and defeated. After the debrief from the UC I had a few recurring dreams- 1 was being shot in the head by Nick, we've covered that. 2 was seeing Sam leave me in the rain and walk into her arms, and 3 was me and Sam, married with a little girl that had him wrapped around her finger and a little boy that was his spitting image, running around protecting his little sister. I still want that third dream, and I was going to fight for it. I decided to fight for it and then he was in the parking lot with Marlo and he seemed so happy, so much more affectionate than he had ever been with me, and I gave up again. I made him promise not to give up without a fight but when  
I saw him with her I did just that and I told him I know when the odds are against me and I gave up AGAIN! So this time, I told him I love him, I never stopped loving him, he is my story- but he doesn't remember so I am going to fight for us this time. I'm starting to understand wedding vows even more, the 'till death do us part' section never made sense to me because every ,arrived couple I knew was divorced. But now I get it. I will never be happy without Sam and I won't stop fighting for us until the day I die!"  
Dr Dwyer let outa long, heavy sigh. This is the same kind of breakthrough she had with Sam last night, and us much as she wanted to tell her he felt the same way, it was her job to keep all that confidential. So as she wrote down a few questions she would be sure to ask during the joint session they had scheduled in a few days, she brought the conversation from personal to professional. "So, how does that work if you were partnered together or around the station? Undying devotion and recklessness has caused quite a few problems at 15 in the recent past, how will it be different this time?"

**AN- I know I said the joint session was coming but inspiration struck so I have at least 1 more chapter before I throw in the joint session. But, the joint session is written and will only need a few updates after the next chapter is written so it should be up soon. Thank keep reviewing, I love the constructive criticism and the suggestions, the guesses as to what might happen also make me smile, I love to see where the story seems to be leading itself. Please leave your review below!**


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